the jouney is e most impt instead of the results

2006-09-09T15:01:00.000+08:00

2006-08-14T11:01:00.000+08:00

snippets of my life.

i really wanna thank a particular someone.
who helped me clear my mind the past 2days.
ye noe who ye are:) ****

im regretting joining council!
i signed up for mascot duty..
which is to dress up as air stewardess to promote sat's bash.
the bash's at dxo explanade.
sigh..i dun even wanna go to the bash.
firstly,i hv no idea wads happening..
i mean im in events department but hv no idea wads e prog for the night.
apparently there's gonna be a events meeting on wed at 5.15pm
and i dun hv sch on wed!
urgh.
i need to do my 1000word essay to be handed in on fri.
and secondly,i noe deep down my dear boy doesnt want me to go for the bash too.
he says he'd prefer not but i noe he wldnt want me to go.
its a club..so who knows wad ppl are gonna do there.
and anyways its a sat and i want to be with him.
who bothers abt some social gathering.
ah.i gotta think of smt fast.
help!

anyways,i got smt else i need to get done after my proj.
amos!!!
xmas plans and proposal by end of this month..
ohman ohman.
its kinda exciting but i jux dunno where to start.
amos shall be my mentor.
hurhur.
:)

mydear is having check up today.
i hope all goes well w his body.
i noe he's frantically studying for exams..
the only thing i can do is pray and encourge him continuously.
haiya..i dun needa say anything more.
i love him.

pss..Granny's Sizes will be updated this wkend!
stay tune to unique stuff..haha:)

2006-08-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

its 1am in the morning and i shld really be getting some slp.
but somehow, i really can't be bothered.
coz' tml's a sat w totally no prog.
or at least no prog with ted.
i wonder how life wld be if i were still single..hurhur.

i was just thinking, my life's always abt him.
everything i do is for him,
my time is arranged to fit his,
my commitments are also ranked simply coz i love him so much.
sidetracking: but do ye noe i went for council interview,
and they asked a question on whether ye have other committments,
i gave a 'model' answer..saying,if there's no big event in church,
i prob won't hv any major committments..
but deep down in my heart..
my biggest committment is my r'ship with ted.

hmmm, but somehow ive got this feeling,
that his life's much much much more other than just plain old mingli.
ahh..im seriously rambling.

the past wk has been so tense.
exactly 24hours*7days = 228hours ago,
ted's parents and i were sitting at the visitor lounge waiting for his operation to end.
something tt no one knows,
tt is impt to me..
immediately when he went into the OT,
his mum suggested we shld say a prayer..
and she politely asked me to pray..
which i amazingly did without any hesitation..
i mean, if ye know how i am to my own parents,
this^ praying with another set of parents..
anyways, i can still remember what my prayer was..
and defitinitely GOD answered all of them.

we waited at the visitor lounge fr 1230am-330am
then visited him at the recovery ward..
i totally freaked out when i went to see him..
i called out to him, he answered by nodding and giving faint 'mmms'
then suddenly he spoke 3 words:' hold my hand'
i was totally relieved by then to see tt he's fine or was still in worrying mode,
or dunno what but in my brain i was thinking 'where is his hand?!'
then he lifted his right hand, but i was standing on his left side!
so anyways, i reached out for it..
but it was kinda scary cause' his hand was jux wobbly,
and i can sense im the only one holding on to him..
he didn't hv the strength to hold back.
but then a split second, the machines in front of him started beeping!
and this was all happening simultaneously.
so my mind spoke to me 'don't die!'
i was gg to shout for help already..
but then i called his name again and he responded so 'phew..'
it was so scary, i hate visitor's lounge..
it makes you wait there and think of the life if you lose your love one.
although i was reading shopaholics,which did keep me sane..
and typing all those messages, it had to be like 20 over of them?
to friends we both know..
i even msg'ed ToiletGang..
ye see wad state i was in..

anyways,i really wanted to slp at his ward so tt when he wakes up,
he won't feel lonely..
i mean, after an operation and no one's there with you?
tts jux not right.
but in the end,his mum said i shld slp on his bed at home.
so we went to eat noodles at 4am in the morning before gg back to slp for 2 hours?
i cldnt slp, my heart and soul was still in the hospital with ted..
i jux cldn't..but i managed to doze off at 5am..
luckily justin called me at 7am..
then i wanted to rush down to the hospital myself..
already consulted grace which bus to take and where fr and wad nots..
then,his mum said wait a while and we went tgt in the end.

he told me this 'ordeal' taught him smt..
or rather reminded him..
tt he is slowly drifting away fr God..

i feel that he's not taking good care of himself..
shrugs..i dunno,maybe my thinking is cause' we were brought up so differently.
like how ive always lived with a set of grandparents.
and he always lived with his immediate family..
in my life, ive always been taken good care of..
my granny,aunty,mum..
when im sick, mum will govern the sch issues..
like collecting hw and wad nots.
then even my granny tt im not staying w alr will frequently call to check how im doing..
and when im over at her plc duing wkends,
she wld fix soups or drinks or whatever she thinks that'll do good for me.
i mean, ye have a grandma who listens so attentively to ye..
i rem casually saying why i hafta to wear panty liners daily..
cause' of the puss thingy..
and the next wk immediately she had a remedy for me..
she roasted ginko nuts for me only..
which tasted disgusting but i ate it anyway.
i realise tt im very blessed in my extended family..
even just the 4 of us,
my mum really does everything for me..
i dunno.
maybe its cause' she works at her own time..
i always wished tt ted will be taken good care..
maybe im doing too much for him,
nagging too much.
worrying unnecessarily..
i dunno.

whatever it is, i love him.

i really hate tt we live so far fr each other.
its 1.5 hours to get to each other's hse by public transport.

love knows no boundaries.
hurhur.

ok its 130am now..
and im super tired..
or rather my eyes are tired..

GOODNIGHTS.

and if anyone has the time,
pls go and look at http://grannys_sizes.livejournal.com

2006-06-19T01:40:00.000+08:00

*silly moments of our lives*

2006-06-19T01:25:00.000+08:00

im very very very excited about my own line of jewellery!
i've got some ling-longs fr the flea market at chinatown square today
really happy with my buys=)
will be heading down to arab street one weekday to source for my materials!

really excited abt this entire entrepreneurship thingy=)
no one is supposed to dampen my mood abt this!
~*WARNING*~
yes.its a warning.

let me see what i can do with my hands.
it may be jewellery making for my age now.
and it may switch to cooking and baking at a later age!
won't tt be great?
i always dream of cooking a feast for my family.
from starter to main course to dessert.
fabulous!

i love to have mini parties too.
those finger food and stuffs.
loads of cooking books and choc books lying in the cupboard.
BUT BUT for now, it'll be jewellery making.
the problem is, ive only 300bucks in my bank acct.
im only taking with me 50bucks to arab street.
i think tts okay yea?
i gotta BUDGET everything man!
(sandra ye hear tt? b-u-d-g-e-t!) heex=)

anyways, this is my 2nd last week of freedom before i start schooling again.
the routine and all that.
kinda miss it but i noe ill miss my hols more!
the shopping any time i want,going to anywhere anytime i want,
the meeting up w *the other half* according to his schedules..

guess ill have to adapt to my new life when school starts.
2 buses to get to school.
1hour bus-es ride.
concession for bus.
monthly allowance?!?! (yet to be discussed)
tutorials and lectures to concentrate.
new social life? (or none? hide in my shell?)
bleah.

for now, ill concentrate on my jewellery stuffs!
i rreally hope to continue it when im schooling.
i predict yr1 won't be that busy and tough.
so i wanna make some extra cash selling jewllery too!
till then, wait for my accessories to be up and going=)

toodles!

xXx loves xXx

2006-05-12T12:53:00.000+08:00

ye noe what?

i figured ive always bottled up my own feelings.
never venting them out.
so ive decided to constantly type here so it gets stored here and locked up here too!

yeah.happy with myself.

hmmm..sometimes ive not much to say to my friends coz what i really wanna talk to them abt is *him.
but 1st: would they understand?
2nd: they're not in relationships,i feel they wldnt bother.
3rd: i can't speak well.
4th: if the issue is sad,i don't wish to 're-enact' everything again.it hurts.
5th: i think this list will go on,coz im always making excuses.
ahh!!!

whatever.im happy today coz i get a gathering with ToiletGang and end the day with *him=)yipee.

yest was a day of sadness coz i received a rejection fr NUS and an interview for NIE (which im totally NOT interested!) and last wk i was rejected by SMU.
sooo..that leaves me with nothing.
wadever..ill plan for my future next mon when all the schools admission lines are open!make calls.

ok..gotta go meet TG!
smiles.

2006-02-01T11:54:00.000+08:00

a worrier
a failure
a pathetic one
an unhappy one
an always down one
a bad grandchild
a bad daughter
a bad friend
an even worse girlfriend.

ME.

---------------------------------------------

im in the office alone.
don't even know where my director is.
im picking up calls, arranging lessons, calling ppl..
jux for the sake of doing them.
on the verge of crying coz im feeling so miserable.
i can't msg you nor say anything normal now.

save me.

2005-12-01T15:15:00.000+08:00

prom photos!!!

here's the link:
http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/oxymoron_ml/album?.dir=1937&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/oxymoron_ml/my_photos

2005-11-28T11:08:00.000+08:00

graduation day photos!!

here's the link:

http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/oxymoron_ml/album?.dir=5d98&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/oxymoron_ml/my_photos

enjoy:)

2005-11-19T12:07:00.000+08:00

Eulogy to my 'lao-ma'
(Wui Noi Heoh 1912-2005)

the most patient, ever-giving, always there to lend a hand.
that's my laoma.

the concern mother, the helpful mother-in-law, the sweet grandma, the doting greatgrandma.
she's all of that.

i rem the times when i was a child, she'll feed me dinner everyday wout fail.
furthermore, im e kid who eats damn slow but she's e one who's willing to pacify me and accompany me at e dinner table till im full. she never expected anything in return. always giving me pocket money every sunday when i go back home to start my sch wk. a dollar was alot to me then in primary sch. she was actually 'copying' what my grandpa (her son) did. my grandpa wld give me 2bucks every wk. i always rejected her saying to leave tt money for herself, but she'll insist. i'd always put aside tt 3bucks or so to get smt for her and grandpa someday. she's has never ever shouted or raised her voice in e household. Even when her own son .......

---------------------------------------------

ive been thinking..laoma passed away not remembering anyone or anything.
due to very serious memory loss.
its really sad..imagine ur own mum whom has brought you up all tis time, suddenly forgets everything abt you.
it was diff to cope when laoma lost her memory..
it was an overnight thing.
she calls ur name today and e next she asks you 'who are you?'
but i feel its as if even thou she doesnt rem us anymore, she knows that her great-grand-children are havin major exams and she leaves this world exactly after our exams.
so tt we are able to cope w e loss.
its exactly e same situation for my grandpa and greatgrandparents too.
all of them passed away after major exams, be it midyr or whichever.
i guess God has blessed me greatly.

however, i jux dun understand how cold can my bro be.
im so saddened by tt more than anything else.

can't express myself properly when i talk.
i guess keeping a diary really works for me.
jux dunno why i can't keep tt happiness and joy in me for a longer period.

smile.

2005-10-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

my 100th post and im feeling down..

hate. who?
myself.
about?
everything..
appearance. behaviour. character.
no more uniqueness.

troublesome is all there is.

2005-09-24T18:35:00.000+08:00

social life.
someone pls define it for me.

2005-09-23T19:23:00.000+08:00

ye noe wad?
maybe im jux not fated to post anything coz whatever i typed jux now is gone.

thanks for the reminder again..

2005-08-19T21:06:00.000+08:00

stressed.

but...

trust in Him and all will be fine:)

yes.preach what you say.
its proven.

not scientifically but emotionally!

i feel like a green person today..

maybe ill wear green tml!

all my mocks have officially ended today.

and today's surprisingly the best!

i wasn't well prepared at all..as usual for mocks.

but many questions in there were wad i asked ppl in the span of yest n today.

amazing.maybe its luck but im blessed :)

been so stressed..realised myself being too emotional again.

i sometimes wonder izzit always my prob?

saying one is selfless, you'll be there for ppl and wad nots is easy..

doing them is -hah-

i want!

but i dunno exactly what i want..

i want to feel the love.

its 3wks to prelims exactly and i haven got started proper yet.

how wonderful huh.

haiks.

study now.

goodnight!

*your favourite colour.

i bet ye wont see tis anytime soon coz we're both so busy..

but jux want to say -the-3-magic-words- *huggies!

2005-07-25T20:41:00.000+08:00

boys.

they are another species tt one cant fully understd.
power hungry.
if not its acting 'big'
that ego.
we all gotta learn to be humble!
havin big egos will jux crush you.

talk big.
havin so many ideals or criticisin ppl isnt tt rite either..
prove that ye can do e task better and more successful than the situation now.
look at the corporate ladder, there're so many successful ladies.
c'mon man, its time to dish away tt thot of women are capable or are secondary in everythin they do.
im probably not fit to say these..but..hmm..

haiks.

emotionally.
yala, i noe tis one guys are stronger than gals.
but pls do understand that everyone's emotional needs are diff.
not all gals are the same.

hmm..okie, wad on earth am i driving at?
dun stereotype.

okie, stop talking rubbish n thinking of useless things.
bathe!

tataa.

2005-07-25T20:12:00.000+08:00

sick sick sick.
2days mc.
still considering whether i shld take tml's..
maybe i wld to prevent the teachers fr saying anything hurtful.
or maybe not, jux stay home and study..

lotsa medicine.
mum tried to educate me on which tablet is wad purpose n wad nots.
ahh..jux eat la!

only when you have no energy or no time, then ye realise how precious those things are.
like now, i wanna study but i dun hv the energy to absorb.
human nature.

relyin on Him to do well in studies?
i dunno.
im soo stressed now tt i dun even noe it.
e doc said :" very stressed huh?"
i noe when anyone asks or tells me tt..it spells trouble for me.
coz' i dun seem to noe my limits, jux stressing and straining myself.
i dun even noe when im tired.
tts really bad.
bad bad bad.

studies. tuition.
before it even starts, im so damn scared.
i dun wish to find out wad i dunno abt econ.
coz i noe there's lots tt i dunno.
i wish to remain status quo.
urgh.

havin too many doubts isnt gd.
i shld really pray.
pray for perseverance, focus, strength, concentration, wisdom, memory power, gd time management...
woah.tts alot to ask for.

grant me all those PLEASE.

2005-07-23T15:28:00.000+08:00

photos of racial harmony up!!
here's the link: http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/oxymoron_ml/my_photos
enjoy:)

2005-07-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

woahh.

all smiles all over!!!
wkend was great.
jux feel there were many things tt i cldnt hv control over but..
things tt if left in safer and greater hands,
they'll jux run along smoothly!
and those hands are God's.
hmm..ask and you will receive.
now i hear tt voice coming back.
i get it.

i love YoU,yOu,yOU,You and YOU!!

i think ye noe who ye are.
dun needa spell it out.
:*)

heex.

strike a balance.
very very impt.
im still learning...

2005-07-01T11:30:00.000+08:00

tralalala -le..

im done with exams.
tt was yest.
ppl kept asking me where am i gg after e NE paper.
'ohh..urm,think im gg home 1st..got tuition later..'
hmm..a weird stare and glare at me..
'not meeting ur boyfriend?..'
tt dialogue happened like abt 3-5 times!
haiks.
luckily ive mastered e art of not being sososo offensive or however ye want to put it,
if not we'll be e one suffer..and y wld i want tt to happen.tt sucks man.
i think to myself, having found my sweetheart doesnt mean forgoing or sacrificing friendships.
hmm..steph and i had tis talk several times..coz its been occuring..to many ppl in our surroundings..haax
reflecting on myself too..hmm,dunno wad to say.

mm..okk dunw ant to talk abt love.
heheheh..i wanna cut my hair!
my fringe to be more specific.
i care only for my fringe.
it muz be PERFECT.
yes i noe i said nth can be perfect but tis's an exception!
hmm..before tt,maybe i shall pop into mango,zara,borders..dunno eh.
still undecided but doesnt matter..i can take my time to decide.
coz im on my OWN!!
heh..i feel good now actually.
dress up and go take a walk.
bleah.

okla..lunch time and ill be off!

pss..anne and sandra get well soon yup!

2005-06-25T12:47:00.000+08:00

i've learnt so many things in a r'ship..
discovered traits in me tt ive never knew..
learning more abt myself.
but,i also see the scary side of me which i cant even explain.

so i learnt things e hard way..
im definitely an extremely emotional person,
too emotional tt i get hysterical.
no wonder got weird murder cases.hah.

im so stressed that my period has lasted for so long.
it isnt suppose to be liddat.
so stressed tt i keep pickin on small lil things..
urgh!

one thing to note: ppl better don't come to me for advice.
how izzit so that i can tell others wad to do but not for myself?

whatever it is..give up easily isnt my vice.
but when it is time to let go..i guess i painfully wld hv to do tt.
that wld nv cross my mind.
today's newspapers,including e special sat paper..
everythiing is abt love.wow..how appropriate
on the front cover,article abt an old couple married for 70 over yrs,
readin their history..china blah blah..gettin bestowed when ye were born,wah.
what striked me most is how the elders look at their other half..
althou they're the older generation,some might say its jux tradition..
but i feel its family upbringing..and other attributes..
the old ah pek said there is no 'divorce' in his vocabulary..
and joked that he wants to 'li hoon'. (divorce in dialect)
but actually meant tt he wanted to quit smoking!heh.
coz both pronounciations are similar in dialect.

i jux needed an outlet..failing to contact my friend,tis blog's next.

im ready to compromise.
i really dunno why..
my heart aches..
the deeper ye love someone,the deeper e pain is..

pls dun cry.

2005-06-16T14:53:00.000+08:00

terribly stressed..
jux need someone to be there..
comforting..

just go and reflect.

2005-06-08T11:59:00.000+08:00

photos are here!!

the link: http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/oxymoron_ml/my_photos

2005-06-08T10:26:00.000+08:00

whoopie!

its a great day.
i read my last entry..its dumb man.
actually it is thru bad times tt ye realise how blessed ye are.
and that love is very real too!
thank you!

gg to grandma's to study and keep her company since she asked me to go yea?
gee..pray i dun get so distracted today.
no boys at all..bro went diving at msia and cousin at band camp.
haax! okla..

toodles!

2005-06-07T17:25:00.000+08:00

i really don't like being me..
if i dun even like myself, how'd i expect others to like me..hah

don't understand myself at times.
why do i do the things i do and create probs for myself.

i can't let others influence me!
i thot i was gettin beta but proved myself wrong..
ppl and videos esp OC wld induce thots in me..
makin everything tt was fine become a disaster.
im a disaster la.

jux hate myself.
i guess im still a lil disturbed..
sometimes,those bad memories wld sud re-surface..
its scary knowing how easy it is to lose someone.

btw..im 18 alr..

2005-05-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

turning 18 tml.
isnt tt significant in anyone's life?

i pray v v sincerely tt tml will go well..
jux hope everyone will enjoy too..

i noe im thinking too much.
so i shld go do smt!
maybe indulge myself in some foods? neh..no appetite.
hmm,indulge in a bk? ill consider tt..
ahhaa..read my small christian bk! hmm..

i learnt..sometimes,things jux arent meant to be absolute and perfect..

i treasure *him alot.
love *him alot.

2005-03-18T23:26:00.000+08:00

wow wow wee.

i denounce..???

haax,ive got a screw loose.
prob coz i dun wanna face reality or im seriously mad.

i choose to believe e latter.

i promise im going to candy empire one day.
soon tt is!

nitex!

2005-03-18T09:44:00.000+08:00

y do i have this prob of sharing.
afraid of sayin e wrong things huh
y shld ye be so concern of wad others might think?
hmm,see..random thots again.
always causing trouble.

spur of e moment things get ye into trrouble.

zxcvbnmasdfghjklqwertyuiop

-zip-

2005-03-18T09:35:00.000+08:00

chemistry ll satisfy me, and it shall satisfy me.
being a mugger isnt easy huh.
random thots tt get me into trouble.

2005-03-18T09:23:00.000+08:00

i didnt know i cld be sucha pest.

feelin stupid & silly..

we shld count our blessings n not magnify our probs.

in a way, i feel extremely apologetic but in another sense,
am i always in e wrong.

i will clear e air..i WILL
i dun wanna say anythin childish,selfish or silly..

somehow, i think and feel tt im lonely
singular.almost everything suddenly became singular.
i thot plural is ideal.

its e 3rd last day of hols.

i need to get it off my chest!!!!!!!!!!!

bye.

2005-03-17T19:21:00.000+08:00

ooohh..
now i see how handy mini ipod is.
kept me company on e way home!
gee.sounds loser,heh!
althou its jux tis small lil gadget..hmm

walau.
hearing Eb suite,its damn horrible.
squeaks all over e plc?!
huh.with heart and voice is nice but..
sigh.
i'd beta get confuoco3 repertoire into mini ipod
so can listen on how to improve?
sigh.
y i let myself in such a situation..
good gd.

2005-03-17T19:17:00.000+08:00

cant all things jux be reciprocal?

it is tough to achieve tt.
but cant everyone jux do their bit,
put in tt lil effort.

2005-03-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

you jux had to burst my bubble.

2005-03-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

can ye see and feel all e spider webs arnd tis blog!!

ahhh..haven been here for soo long.

anyhow,i don't think anyone visits anyways..
who wanna read tis blog whose owner's life is -bleah-
haax!

okokk.
guess ive never been happier before..
althou i noe there're many things piling up and i shld get off tis com chair n get down to work,
but somehow i feel tt things ll turn out jux fine.
its amazing..tt feeling's amazing!

hmm,so much thots running thru me..
sometimes,how i wish we can jux pause for tis day or smt..
so i can really think back wad has happened for e past 1yr..
actuallly,neh..
i change my mind..
think of the future!

im damn stupid n silly.
cannot jump to conclusions..or make assumptions..
i learnt it e hard way..
ye'll be the one who'll suffer miserably only..
to realise tt absolutely nth is wrong & ur jux makin probs.
hah.

it is good to lend a listening ear to others.
but...
who'll do e same for ye?
hmm...sometimes,there's jux so much to 'complain' abt but when ye think back,
all these probs doesnt concern e person(s) ye wish to 'complain' to..
so wad for trouble and make e person(s) worry for ye rite?
im so stubborn.
but yea i noe..
like wad e Bible says abt sharing burdens..
hmph..

sigh,do i really want tis kinda relationship w the band?
it isnt bad but it isnt gd either..
dunno la..dun really wanna bother myself so much.
one thing's for sure..if im in some kinda organisation,
gotta be involved in it..be it hyper active or low-key active,
muz be active..
hmm..i think tts smt ive to figure out too.
how to be active, striking a balance still..
wad abt church? hmm..

ahh..btw i got a C for chem...which is the best grade ever since last yr.
to top tt, failing every test tis yr n gettin a C for CTs..i think i dun deserve all e credit.
God does.
He deserves it more than i do.
it may sound all silly to anyone but it doesnt to me.

althou it wasnt a major exam or anything..
i jux felt really gd and hv achieved smt.
called ted n mummy immediately after sch..
its really nice havin ppl be happy for ye huh.

and my guess is tt..
mummy bought me ipod mini coz of chem results.
i really din expect anything..

ive always stuck to: 'a blessing in disguise'
coz it has worked wonders in my life.
jux like e tsunami as well.
it sure is a blessing in disguise..
seeing tt a refugee camp cld bring 2 lovers tgt?
and getting married in e camp too.
tt marriage, thou simple & shows e nomalcy of life,
brought much joy & hope to e ppl there..
it sure is a blessing in disguise!

alrights, im gonna rattle away..
time to take a shower.
toodles!

meanwhile, everyone enjoy your hols!

lova mingli

2005-02-07T21:45:00.000+08:00

i am the culprit.

i hate e net,i hate technology.
wads e use la.

one more,i hate blogs.
dumb dumb dumb.

there's no time,just no time for everything.
unlimited wants but limited time!
econ.

goodness,i dun do wad i preach.
disliking technology but im still here using it?
inevitable isnt it.
becomes a necessity alr..

haiks.
sometimes ah,emotions,thoughts,stress blah blah are all self-induced huh.
im talking nonsense alr.

i need to get back in touch with things!

hmph,gerri asked me smt tt made me really think.
shrugs.

to me,you've got to accept however things are as time passes.
ppl change alot. systems surrounding ye change too.

so scandalous so drama so gossipy soo soso soos sooososssoo so!!!

fragments,only i noe wad im typing.
no one else wld understand wad e heck is typed here huh.
mingli language.
only in mingli's dictionary.

oh..i think i take back my words.
they were too harsh.
maybe i dun 'hate' technology..
jux dislike it for the implications that it has brought on us,fine..no, on me la.

if i dun ever come back for another century or smt..

here's wishing everyone..

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

ps:dun fall ill.lets push on & put up e best concert ever in our lives!let's make history once more!

CJC Symphonic Band concert
Victoria Concert Hall.
20th Feb, 7.00pm
10bucks

2005-01-21T13:41:00.000+08:00

ooo!!

thought i shld post smt..
e last one was last yr?!
wala..
haven been online for 2wks.
tts gd.

its only been 3 wks into 2005.
everything has been piling up.
e pressure,stress,problems..

but anyhow, there'll always be *you to buffer e -ve thots or feelings.
feeling so blessed.

what makes everything even beta is that my mum trusts me more now.
entirely making my own decisions. actaully i dun really like tt..hee
handling my own time.
giving me 101% freedom.
hmm..previously was 100% la..haax
what's expected of me is to give my best tts all.
how lucky can i get?

mm..finally one barrier crossed.
a huge one indeed.
thot i wld fail in tt one but all's well..
so hpapy so happy .

an article in the papers today brings meaning to me.
it talks abt how e human brain can predict exaggerated emotions during a crisis..
thus, when tt crisis really happens, e person isnt that shocked or overwhelmed.
its amazing how some can be happy even thou a huge crisis has happened such as e tsunami.

i thought to myself,in a way,ive mastered e skill to do tt too.
when a problem arises..of course ye think abt it.
when its too tangled up, e brain will make itself generate happy thots n memories.
and then again, you're happy!
haiya..cant explain proper..its in starits times review section.

okk..sch's been talking abt time management and relationships e entire wk.
guess i'd beta get down to work

dadada...

lova mingli

2004-12-30T12:59:00.000+08:00

err?
loves.

2004-12-27T21:13:00.000+08:00

marc.me bro
loves.

2004-12-27T14:04:00.000+08:00

izzit ever too late to wish Merry Christmas?
neh, never.
soo.. MERRY CHRISTMAS one and all..
spread the festive spirit..

okays.

soo..mingli's been MIA for a wk plus.
coz she went to HK.
and realized tt there could possibly be her next hide-out!
haax.

the food's fantastic, shopping's wow,ppl..hmm..nice,jux cant communicate proper.
cant speak Cantonese!
but accommodation's bad.
room's are tiny, kitchen can fit only 3 ppl?!
but wad's impt is having a roof over ur head yea.
so be contented.

tis trip made me realize many things.
i can actually make myself do things i dun really wanna.
realized tt e best buds to go holidaying are ur sibling & cousin!
i must admit, they've been overall good.
never knew how much they are actually willing to compromise each other.
tt amazed me, e level of maturity each of them had for e trip.
furthermore, they're teenage boys eh!

i found out too tt HK is an aging population.
the world's jux so dead if there isnt gonna be an outburst of babies or smt.
woahhh!!

anyways, im back but was already so put off yest.
really dunno wad there is to say.
lets jux give everyone e benefit of e doubt ya?
kkz,settled.

i think ive been kinda werid these hols.
there's no explanation or reason for my actions.
yeah,really man.
im finding myself rather irresponsible for running away to a foreign country and spending xmas there?
when there're so many ppl here who i shld spend xmas with.
great,didnt even send out xmas cards tis year.
sorry peeps.not tt ive forgotten my old pals..
its jux, okokk..i noe there's no excuse.
damn.
ill make it up somehow yaa.

ahh..
e wk before leaving, so many things had happened.
its still difficult to accept actually.
i don't even know wad i want, how do i expect others to know.
yea, seela..i concluded it myself. Heh!

but, i still hafta thank Him for giving me e courage to be able to keep to my promise tt day.
and for letting me get to know such a thoughtful, sweet & lovable guy, my boyfriend!
its amazing how 2 totally different paths can meet each other ehh?

plus! how fruitful and safe my trip was.
He must have been watching over we 3 rascals e whole time.

sobs.
countdown to 2005.
4 more days left.
treasure them well.

ill be back with more 'insightful details'
haax!
quoted tt fr my last entry.

-off to do hw-
(i said i will try try try)

toodles.

2004-12-13T17:31:00.000+08:00

if ye dun grab opportunities, it'll be gone forever.
lost chances.
why hold on to smt tt you know will not work out?

mymymymymymymymy..
i came across some documents which im not supposed to.
i cant even write it here, i cant even approach e person..
i feel so sad for him.
now i know y..i finally found e last piece of jigsaw puzzle.

im dead meat i tell ye.

izzit my duty/responsibility?

actually izzit a crime to be too forgiving..
in the end, it'll be yourself who'll be hurt isnt it.
hah.
always thinking of things tt will forever be debatable.
jux give it a shot!!!

anyways.

dunno y im going away.
deep down, i jux know tt its a need, a must.
any more rejections ill jux suffer.
any more band practs and im jux gonna breakdown.
any more..

tts called escaping.
fr everythin.
im so damn tired of solving probs, untanglin stuffs.
constant battle

anyhow.

geri sent a toiletgang 1st newsletter today.
hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dun dare show my mum la.
alamak.

anyways, tt newsletter prob sums up the happenings of tis yr.
and gives a sneak preview of next yr!
geri, you're indeed our president!!
12 thumbs up!! (2 each fr 6 of us!)

goodness.
i miss e old times where we jux hang out & talk abt anything,
absolutely everything!
nth's a sensitive issue.
no boundaries..

sobsosbssobs.

so selfish.

ohyea!
yest, i attempted to get myself drunk.
unfortunately, unsuccessful.
i hate chivas. it tastes like detergent. ewww!
e only nice one is bailey's, not open.
n e other..some coffee thingy.
ahh, anyways, who cares la.

wad a life.

i want to see all of your innocent smiles!
i dun want to sense hidden agenda behind those smiles.

impulsive.
i really understand tt word now.

such a long holiday but doesnt feel like one.

haax, so fragmented.

tis blog's not reality.
its disillusion, virutal and jux insightful details for passers-by.
isnt it?

im being hit back to reality.

bye!

2004-12-06T16:11:00.000+08:00

urm.
i feel weird.
pretty weird, not right.

hmmph.

ruin all my plans.

2004-11-30T19:34:00.000+08:00

heyhey.

tml's band fest.
im dead.
total dead.
i dunno y i say tt actually.
but jux dun feel tt great.
smt's missing.

hmm..i've gotta go call the st nick's girls now.
feel quite bad bugging them jux after their grad nite.
sorry ah.
muz still do promotion.

and one thing!
he's always on my mind no matter wad.
its not called pathetic & sweet.
im not tt, dun wanna be tt too.
arh?

muz call st nicks, be e super duper luper nice girl fr cjcband.
muahaha..

toodles for now.

(how many more days ah? 5! tts gonna past real fast, yesyes!!)

2004-11-30T01:49:00.000+08:00

its been a wk.
i still hv tt special feelin in me.
gee, it somehow ll stay there forever..
yes!

hmm,ill be lying & totally decieving myself if i say i dun miss *ye.
heh, call it runnin hidin away or wad..
im tryin to arrange as many things so ill sorta be occupied in a way?
ahh, nvm..some absence is good too rito?

MISSING *YOU..

i really wonder why ppl are so two-faced or urgh, jux an asshole la.
makes my life terrible, horrible..
i dun show it to tt person, coz i still give respect.
but there's a limit to how much i can compromise ye noe?
heh, thinking of chem..so there'll always be smt/sb to buffer it!

went back to ij on 2 occasions.
ohman. i was interrogated by a few ppl.
haax. quite funny to think tt others are jux so interested(+ve) or busybody(-ve)?
anyhow, i dun care la.
its my life ultimately..
for me to know and for yall to find out.
memories are kept within you..
if it is being shared w many, then it isnt special anymore.

anyhow, anne ahh..
pls..dun ye let me catch ye sitting somewhere stoning n thinking of y (tt person) reacts tis way blah blah.
like wad ye did jux now at my hse..waste of time!
we can beta use tt time to do more stuff so tt we can prove our capability!
shld concentrate on how to grab more clients (banders) for tuning-in and to make them stay.
and also on how to interest them with our prog on tt day!
heck abt him la, he's total rubbish & doesnt deserve our attention wadsoever.
we're doing all these not for him, its for ourselves, OUR future in 2005 ya?

oh gosh.
shoots.
im thinking of ye again.
jux one more wk..

nitex,
lova mingli

2004-11-23T22:28:00.000+08:00

tags.
sorrys,tagboard aint workin..
so here ye are..

khris: wad?! 3, tt many?goodness,think ye beta lock her away?heex.exams over,relax!! seeya soon gal!
shaun: RJ?heck la..e ppl we're fightin for r diff...ahh!!
amelia: yikes,izzit tt bad?ohnoo..narcissistic!but its gd to LOVE urself,yipee!seeya soon too:*)

ToiletGaang: urm.im speechless.anyhow,thx gals!!thx for sharing my joy!! :):) see yall soon kkz,lets reunite!
sandra: jux wanna assure ye,i wont be like those ye mentioned on e phone kkz?dun worry,ill def be here 24/7 for TG!

alrightie.
so many things happened e past 2days.
its prob e lovliest day ever in e hols,
no,in e mth,
ahh noo,in e yr!!
wait,in my life!!!
heex.

anyways,thx for making me e luckiest & happiest gal ever.
dun wanna say more.
memories will live in me forever:)

lova mingli

11.08

2004-11-19T13:14:00.000+08:00

like the change??

i think tis is e 1st step of changing my life!
there's e packing which is still on-going.
there's my new eyes, turquoise!!
wad else ah?

actually, i don't fancy cats tt much
but i found tis pix absolutely irresistable!
a cat w an apple.
jux so simple, innocent n adorable!
heh,maybe my liking for cats ll grow.
who knows eh?

heh.determined.
im not gonna let next wk be so shabby like now.
i wanna wake up every morning and feel blissed!
yesh.

ohh.one thing.
i needa appreciate and love wad ive got.
as in make full use/max ur strengths.
such as, in band..
everyone is an asset.
its jux wad kind are ye.
he told me, you've gone beyond & keep relations going w other sections.
so, i wanna keep tt bond w ppl in e band.
make sure they know there's mingli to rely on if there's probs; personal probs..
and sure enough, ill def share ur joys as well.
i dun wanna lose tt special touch w yall.
muz keep on going..

haax,then tis one's funny.
i hv it but i dun like it.
ppl sure r jealous; envious of me coz of these..
its THE genes.
really didnt colour or perm my hair?
its really a waste of money.
e bill's always 3digits eh.noway!
anw, brown streaked hair's from dad.
curly wavy hair, which gets on my nerves coz it doesnt listen to me, is from both mum & dad.
but i'd love to exchange hair w someone w silky nice hair! :)
nice long eye lashes from mum!
hey,but my bro's are longer! hmph!
pearly healthy set of teeth, tts me la..
give me e credit? haax. no face.
but i endured pain.which is a big issue to me, coz ive low treshhold of pain.
i do take gd care of them.
give ye a tip? use e electronic brush, it does wonders! (im lazy la,haax!)
petite me.
i've begin to love mingli for being small.
wait, & unique!
heh, so many advs when ur small.
only mingli can walk to e kids section wout being stared wide eye at.
hohoo, rem i used to try means and ways to grow a lil taller.
from buying grow tall pills to stretching stretching..
nth helped la..heex, actually i didnt even start on e pills.
i hate popping pills last time.
haax, but then short means you'll hv more guys for selection?
nola, not stereotyping..tts wad my aunt comforted me w!
haax, neh..thx but im not desperate.
ONE is enuff.

but ah, there's really smt wrong w coffee shop aunties!
they're forever mistakin me for smt/sb..
jux tis wk, she thot i was malay.
and sorry, no mix parentage.
jux pure chi.
ok admit, maybe a lil thai.

here goes,
e aunty n i were conversing in chi all along..
translation ..
aunty 'why? you still want e food?'
me 'ohh, nono..its okay.nvm.'
aunty 'then dun anyhow look la, i thot you still want.'
me 'ohh, sorry..no i dun want alr.'
aunty 'dun leave ur wallet lying arnd liddat. jux last wk, someone lost 100bucks...'
me 'tts not mine, okokk..ill tell her not to.'
then she was abt to leave w e plates n tray..
aunty 'how come you know how to speak chi?! aren't you malay?!?!'
everyone burst out laughing! -embarrassed-
e entire time, all the SLs and alvin was hearin attentively to our conversation.
even hambao thinks so.
wala.no wonder he doesnt speak to me in chi.
*tink tink...now i know.

oh shucks.
tis entry is so narcissistic!!
i cant stand it..eww..
fullstop.

wahaa!!

I LOVE MYSELF.

2.00pm

2004-11-18T17:52:00.000+08:00

"anybody can get angry,
-tt's easy.
but to be angry with the rite person,
and to the rite degree,
and for the rite purpose,
and in the rite way,
-tt isn't within everybody's power and it isnt easy."

hmm..hah!!
i hope tt enlightens some ppl..esp temperemental ppl.
like my bro? haax..neh, think its jux e growing stage for him.
but some times he goes overboard la.

2004-11-18T16:28:00.000+08:00

im tryin not to let myself slip into tt horrible period tt happened tis yr again.

have i changed drastically?
or its jux im becoming more sarcastic?
or i jux dun satisfy e requirements of a friend,ur kinda friend.

my efforts jux dun seem to..

being pushed away constantly is worse than being rejected.
rite?

i must get myself into the working mood/mode
only tt way, ill not hv time to think of stuffs.
and in no time, ill be an all time achiever again?

there're quite a no. of things to settle, but..
im jux so pissed w myself for being irresponsible n absent-minded,
din bring back e things i've to do.

but seriously,
i wanted tis hols to be a well-deserved break.
to me, so many things hv happened in 2004.
the challenges tt made me feel so puny n pathetic,
the changes in all aspects in my life,
the dark n cruel truth tt has been revealed,
the tears shed,
the most horrible grades i had in my schooling years,
friendships are fragile,
blah blah blah..

but there's e joyous side as well.
grades for promos proves tt ive worked hard,
an end to project work,
an end to 1 major paper,
the ppl who hv brought so much joy n laughter to my life,
those who've been supportin & encouragin me non-stop,
the many new ppl ive met..

i guess this yr's e turning point.
ive learnt loads of things tt cant be learnt in my 16yrs on earth but in jux 1yr.
learning how to treasure & cherish,
be more sensitive,
open,
friendly,
approachable,
observant to others' lives,
out-spoken,
understanding,
a smile does wonders,
a caring & thoughtful phrase brightens everyone's day,
tt im not always right,
create a path for yourself,

i cant pen down wad ive learnt in a yr.
my mind's jux too saturated.

wad i know,
within band alone,
there's jux countless things tt ive learnt.
how to be a better junior,member,musician n person most importantly.
having seniors tt encouraged me,trusted me,supported me,backed me up..
jux changed my perspective on things.

i nv knew i actually could be trusted.

learning how to view things/issues w a whole new mindset,
at diff angles,
understand others' positions/dilemma..
haax!!!
to conclude, maturity level is up several levels!!

but ah, at times im jux so caught up w myself,
i tend to forget everything,
and be so ignorant to things/ppl.
ala, those are e 'bad hair' days la!
heh..

one quality that amazes me,
being humourous, but be careful not hurting others at e same time.
its a skill man.

hohoo!!
xmas xmas xmas.
e festive season is comin..
hmmm.

2004-11-15T17:44:00.000+08:00

i jux set up my clari n played for myself to hear.
im in deep trouble.
my playin totally sucks.
really.

i cant play a proper phrase.
my phrasing has gone hay-wire.
im breathin all over e place.
i cant hit e high notes.
my fingers are stiff, running notes hv become jogging notes.
i can't seem to put any emotions to wadever im playin even though how hard i try.
and there i thot i was emotional?

i can't differentiate btw a RM06 and a vandoren mouth piece.
i dunno which reed; soft or hard, fits which mouth piece beta.
i can't play the first 10 musical concepts perfect.

my mouth always hurt after a while.
its diff to keep remindin myself not to bite so hard for e lower octave notes.
plus remindin myself to put e mouth piece nearer e upper teeth when playing high notes.
and don't tense the upper lip; let e air leak.

who wld ever want a person like tis for SL.

to conclude, i can't play e clari.
needa pract!!

how on earth am i gonna survive tis hols.

thx alot.

2004-11-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

think i really need to put myself in the person's shoes.

;*)

2004-11-15T13:52:00.000+08:00

a public hol yet again.

ehh, wads so great abt HALO2 ah?

anyways, dunno how come jux thot of tt personality rating exercise again.
RESPONSIBLE
DEDICATED
UNDERSTANDING
DIPLOMATIC
STRICT
CONFIDENT
PRIDE
COMMITTED
the original list was 22.

ala, dunno wad im typin.

my point is..compare understanding & committed/dedicated.
which one wld ye wanna be?
someone told me..
wld ye rather be commited/dedicated always but got nth going on beneath?
or be understanding..

so what?
we're talking abt surface vs deep down izit?

haiyo.

i hated wad i did on sat.
tts a part of me when im serious.
a lil portion only.
someone has to do it rite.

hmph.
leadership isnt as simple as it is in sec sch anymore.
things get more complicated as more ppl involved.
so many differing opinions n issues.
its like tis huge spider web.
okk, shuddup rubbish again.

jux 1wk of absence.
i begin to realise e impt'ce of one person.
guess i relied too much too.

my eyes r tired.

taa.

2004-11-15T01:41:00.000+08:00

cannot be self-centred.

be generous w ur words!!
they're free, ye dun needa pay to say pleasant things rito?
but at e meantime, if tt person's unpleasant, he/she shldnt deserve nice words.

and one muz vent ur emotions.
cannot hide them, it jux isnt gd.
zits might jux pop.
haax!
no, but seriously..find someone to talk to.
if ye aint comfortable w him, find her,
or aint comfortable w her, find him,
or find them,
jux find someone.

yeshyes.

-hugs-

nitex,
lova mingli

2004-11-12T23:56:00.000+08:00

seriously.

how come smt or smb can evoke so much emotions in you?
tts amazing.
plus, you're supposed to control ur emotions n not let them take over ye?
rite?

heh, sometimes ye can jux wake up n feel angry.
or total opp, wake up n feel ur e happiest person on earth!
but, who gives a damn abt how ye start ur day la.

actually, since there's nth to do.
i shld make full use n study rite.
haax.
a sane person wld nv say tt.

i figured, i shldnt hv skipped class outing.
it def took alot of effort org'g a gatherin.
n e worst is ppl dun turn up.
i feel real bad now.
hmm, i nv used to be liddat.
dunno wads got into me.
its jux sad not knowing y..

heh, beta go or ill jux keep on typin.
there's no end .
hah, i wish there's an end to some things thou.
draggin everything's jux..ahhaa, its jux a matter of time.
i bet!
see>> there's no end.
no fullstops.
jux many fullstops...

lolita.lalita.
nice name huh?

nitex, lova mingli

2004-11-11T11:46:00.000+08:00

tis hols gonna be full of -fill in e blanks-

def not complaining ive got too much time.
jux tt e days w no band, i dun seem to hv any plans for myself.
so tt means, no goal, no nth for e hols.
n i think i can dream abt going anywhere tis yr.
everything's so rocky at home.

yaoguang reminded me yet another time,
muz do consistent work.
muz org section outing!!
i promised..

jux take today, its a public hol.
i nv liked public hol.
coz tt meant either stayin at home or stayin longer at home.
haax, but now i think its gettin beta,
at e end, i can act find smt to do at home.
heh, like slp till 11 then eat, watch shows, eat.
time for dinner! then eat, after which watch nite shows.
then..heh, tis is gettin dumb.
kkz, tts unrealistic.

hmph, or i cld call someone n talk.
but..tts a whole diff story in yr 2004 now.
somehow ill always put e phone back to its plc,
nv using it.
think only my mum wont question abt tis n is happy,
she used to yell at me to get off e phone,
but now, she has nth to say coz im nv on it.

anywyas, now tt im 17.
i cant wait to be 18!!!!
heh, okk tts not wad i wanted to say.
ive begin to realise tt family shld be e most impt to you.
coz only them, ll they be there for ye no matter wad.
lets say, it shld be lidat la. e ideal.
but for me? its getting there i guess.
half way up e ladder.
my bro's listening to me more.
i can talk to him abt anything under e sun.
he's prob e only one in e family who noes 90% of my frens.
and somehow, he takes an interest in them, hmm..
kkz, all of these are AT TIMES. when we're both in good moods.haax!

heh, i noe ive not been blogging these days.
tts coz wad i wanna type all hafta be censored.
band: muz be professional. how can ye give ur own family a bad name rite.
relationships: ive learnt they're damn fragile! beta dun say coz its either ye die quick or quicker?

hmph.
i think im startin to type rots alr.
see wad e public hol can do to ye!
muahaha!

tags!
anne: ur NOT supposed to be online!
pls go back n rest. yes pls do. ill get it out fr ye next wk!
candice: hmm, i hv my ways..ll find out..! haiya, jux tell me la. muz be smt funny.

haiks.
ive to do alot of packing now.
or ill nv be able to get out of e hse n go grandma's! :(
i muz see tt my table has only educational stuff on it.
pack my room..which means..
filter my clothes cupboard.
take out all e clothes tt are too out-dated.
i hv a really hard time filtering clothes.
coz' they all still fit me, i nv grow wad..
then, i end up keepin everythin
coz in my brain ' yea, ill wear tt one for ---, tis one for---. can can, i can match tis w tat..'
seela, damn fickle minded.
think its a junk yard here.
wala..

great man.
i rem wanting to make a list of things to do.
life's gettin pretty borin.
ill nv allow myself to pract all day.
it does worry me tt others r catchin up w my std.
its not im not bothered eh.
haiya, nvm..

anyways,
hafta find someone to accompany me to queesnway n IKEA.
get my bro..
queensway he'll not get bored.
IKEA, got good food wad!
tt kewl funky nike shoes looks temptin..
but, in no time everyone wld hv it la.
then tt purple maroonish converse snickers are a must!!
but then, i jux found out tt i hv 2 snickers fr china last time,
but tis one's really nice..purple eh!
haiya, noe if i hv days to work at homefix.
i wont be in a fix now.
ill jux get wadever i want man.
one day's pay=one item.
rite? smt liddat la.
yeayea, also muz start gettin ideas for xmas prezzies!
i've smt in mind alr, but muz source for more ideas..ikea.

ohman, forgot must make a trip down to borders.
get funky n unique ideas for yg's grad nite!
muahaha, lets see wad i can find..

kkz, i muz do e packin of clothes 1st!!
coz' then my mum ll not go 'get tis for wad? ye cant even fit it into ur cupboard.where to put?'
haax!! lets spring clean NOW!

tada..
ill be back.
back back.

lova mingli

2004-11-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

walau eh!
i give ye many several chances alr la.
n ye totally didnt geddit.
thx man.
haiks..i feel like giving up.
but how can i?!?!
haiya, anyways i dun wanna think abt tis now.

yipee aye aye yay!

i think its time for a change.

think i shld jux heck abt wads gonna happen in e end huh.
and enjoy now.
yea, maybe tt mentality wld help.

haiya, i can't be bothered to complete tis entry
maybe tml.

nitex,
lova mingli

2004-11-01T13:20:00.000+08:00

tis is getting to nowhere.
in fact,nth's getting anywhere.
so?

nvm la nvm la.
always nvm.
so?

so? go eat now!
ive got no comments.

.........................

2004-10-31T09:55:00.000+08:00

wad's happening?!?!
nono!! its actually wad's NOT happening.

taa.

10.00

2004-10-28T21:06:00.000+08:00

whoppie!

this is wad im gonna do.

type e pw stuff.
drink my orange juice.
shut off fr e world and slp!!!

isnt tt jux so wonderful?

muahaha.

hope my bro gets well soon.
38.6 degrees?!
he had to ask me for help to pull himself up?
tts bad.
okays,now back to my plan.

toodles!

2004-10-28T18:10:00.000+08:00

back to square 1.

dunno wads happening now.
work's been occupying my mind tt everything else has to be put to a halt.
i feel sooo tired & stressed.
its ever e 1st time i slpt at 5.30am and waking up an hr later for sch.
i think tts madness.
those peeps who do tt for studying..its bad.
maybe it works for yall then..

ive never realised how impt rest is.
how impt eating proper is.
how much ye can actually drift away instantaneously.

just a thot..
i think tis yr, i've shed more tears than e ones accumulated in sec sch.
it puzzles me.
wonder y ive become so much more emotional.
eg,when i happen to meet senoirs in sch, which is once in a blue moon,
its as thou ive so many things to say but dunno where to start.
dunno, cant describe it..haax.
im being very silly.
so many more instances..shadnt elaborate

when ye feel stressed, or wanna share a joy, talk abt a sorrow..
there are ppl arnd.
i noe it.
but, e brain automatically thinks otherwise.
thinking some ppl r so busy y still trouble them?
some others alr hv issues themselves.
some might jux put you off. (might as well not say rite?compared to saying and knowing you'll get hurt)
im jux thinking too much i noe it.
but anyway, i noe yall r there..dun worry.

realised too that i get quite happy v easily?
saw my cousins playing w e guys e other day.
seeing lavonne's smile and her satisfied look on her face that e ball has been passed to her jux made me so happy.she was beaming w joy..
she's jux a 1.5 yr old kid!
chloe is such a darling.
gzenn's quite a challenge. you've to speak to her as if she's twice her age.
3 of them make such wonderful cousins.
only if they were my siblings or kids or smt.
oh wow, they're absolute angels.
tell me, which kid actually keeps their toys neatly after they have palyed them? (def not me i think?!)
gzenn covers e piano w so much caution after pract'g. i watched her.
chloe will always 'park' her vehicles at their slots.
i can see that they love grandma alot too!
and mind you, gzenn's 5, chloe's 4 and lavonne's 1.5 only!
alrights, my maternal side's e best.
grooming kids into sensible teenagers and grateful adults.

heh,daphy said i've not changed a single bit.
but somehow i dun seem to agree with her eh?
haax, anyone can enlighten me..tt'll be good.
neh.

ohh, had a really interesting 'trashing' session w corn.
enlightened me on many issues..
ill convey everything, hopefully.
it will be saved.
lets make sure history wont repeat itself again ya.
prove tt saying wrong.

maybe a pte blog wld help?
we'll see..

pw then slp time!
lova mingli

2004-10-23T14:57:00.000+08:00

heyo!

i've brought good news.
ok, or rather good news to me at least?
i didnt just scrape thru jc1, but did quite alright.
with a FOE for midyr,
it was a dream to attain anything above E for all e subs.
BUT, tis dream came thru!!
soo, got BCD!!! (order of math,chem,econ)

im quite pleased, but at e same time,
cannot be complacent!

but most importantly,
muz show my deepest appreciation to everyone tt shared my joy w me!!
dun needa name la, ye noe who yall r ya..heex!!

kkz, those who didnt really make it thru,
really its not e end of e world.
there're so many choices.
dun think ur restricted coz of ur results.
think of e +ve side ya?
and most importantly, you've tried ur best or at least improved!!
yesh!

now, im stuck w pw.
its jux ruining everything.
ive lost trust in ppl.
its sad.
now, i jux hope tt all ll be fine..
or at least there's smt to hand in, a decent one?
w tt said, i've to get to work..

my supposed 'highlight' of life in jc is approaching.
i really dunno if i shld go.
tt wld mean sacrificing cca.
will be missing tuning in.
lets jux say, y shld i hold myself back?
ive been committed to my cca for 5yrs, n counting..
its not like i want anything in return,
but y shld i deny myself a new experience?
im not being irresponsible or anything liddat.
but on one hand, i dun feel safe leaving my responsibilities to others..
urgh!! how? i needa decide by mon.
i hate tis kinda junctures.
but tis's sorta a wild card.
im not supposed to go in e first place coz' i didnt even sign up..(hello!? e thot of having FOE for mid and submitting tt kinda results? crazy. n i nv thot of promoting so sign up for wad?)
but, i thot, y make myself disappointed when alr knew i was gonna be?
i did indeed regret tt i didnt sign up after tt.
haiya.
i'll be missing loads of things.
i still wanna enjoy my hols..
meet up w ppl!!
dun mention assignments tt is..act ll there be any?hope not..

------------------------------------------------------------------

woah.
i realised..
ye can make me really happy yet real sad at times.
okays, actually 99.99%(infinite 9) is happy of course!!

mama mia laters..
toodles,
lova mingli

2004-10-11T14:58:00.000+08:00

so i am back.
but not supposed to.
it hasnt officially ended yet.
1 last paper to go.

before it ends, i guess ive quite a few ppl to thank!
i owe yall.
anne for messaging e night before every paper to wish me luck.it meant alot!i nv delete them. ;)
seniors for ur concern-julian, thx for asking how i was. tt was all i needed at tt pt of time!
yaoguang for always encouraging.not forgetting being my econ coach.plus tt purple msg! its adorable!
ive nv had such wonderful seniors before, yall hv made life in cj not tt horrid.no or rather made my life not tt terrible after all.coz i can look back one day n think hey i had seniors who actually bothered abt tt small gal.
ohman,whenever i mention abt yall, e only thing tt comes into my mind is-ill miss e both of ye! -hugs-
steph for calming me down.u also calm down!
sandra for being such a cutie.rem our date yea?

gerri, nat, chris for being there every morning before e exam.

bro for tolerating all my rubbish nonsense at home.

aunt for letting me stay over e wkend to study & giving me balanced diets!!
and of course to ye for being awfully understanding, concerned, always there, -tis list doesnt end-..
such a *sweetie. thx TONS! i dunno wad else to say.gee,ur all of the above^^ !!! thx thx thx......
everyone else who made exam conditions ideal.

guess ive really been missing out on loads of stuff.
online, sch, frens, band, everything.

jux glanced thru anne's entry.
she's right, absolutely correct.
hiding in my own shell.
i dunno y it turned out like tis.

all i knew then was i had to do it on my own.
i put my feet down and decided on many things.
which i know, there's no turning back.

i took a real study break fr band.
didnt go for alumni, which is rather impt for e concert.
fancy missing a months' worth of practs.
tts woah.fr a bander's pt of view.

didnt study w any1.
i dun even noe if tt was e right thing to do.
dun even noe e best method of studying for me.
i jux knew tt if i were to study w them,
and results are a flop, i wld hv smt/sb to find an excuse to blame.
it wld be horrible blaming others.
so..ive been alone these wks.
and e only reason to find fault at will be ME if anything wrong happens.
be responsible for yourself isnt it?

totally shut off fr e world.
i dunno.

but its tis period of time,
i learnt many things.
of course my studies, managed to understand 98%.
and also, ppl arnd.
now i noe im blessed n really fortunate to hv someone there for me.
thx again yea?

life's supposedly gonna resume after exams.
but e feeling's coming back again.
i dun look forward to it anymore.
i used to.
i still want to.
but wads holding me back??
it seems to others ive got wad i want.
dun really think so.

maybe ill be happier wout wad ive got?

beats me.

been thinking,tis's e 5th yr to come.
and ive been doing e same thing for 5yrs?
is it worth sacrificing almost anything for it?
thinking back, now i realised.
my whole life is abt it.
there doesnt seem to be one day tt i dun mention it.
sats are gone coz of it.
free days are always 'reserved' for it.
seems like it has become more of a hindrance.
guess it has been like tt jux tt only realised it tis yr.
i missed many family events, frens' outings, alone time..
i rem now always putting it before any other stuffs.
be it tuition, bday bash, gatherings...
lets jux say even before studies.
i din had my priorities rite.
do i hv them rite now?
i sure do hope so.

not tt im unwilling to be unenthusiastic abt it.
its jux..forget it, its jux me.

turning down and saying 'no' for e 1st time feels so bad.

now, i jux wanna learn how to relax.

ive got 2 more episodes of OC left before i finish e 1st season.

then i'll hafta wait till nov when e new season comes online.

damn, these 2 episodes are treasured.

haax!

many things hv changed e past yr.

shall make a list some time soon.

a list of wad changed,

a list of wad challenges i took up,

a list of wad else i wanna complete..

btw, i lost my phone.

its horrid.

its my 1st phone.

my 7series phone is gone forever.

priscilla, dun think ye'll ever get a chance to see it too.

jux when finally one paper was superb, i had to lose my phone.

sacrificing my results for my phone?

wad e heck?!

urgh! it was stolen la.

im pissed, fed up, but more sad.

everything's gone, all my msgs, pix, EVERYTHING!

i regretted not saving e stuff onto e laptop.

i hate technology.

it jux screws things up.

communication gets tangled.

everything doesnt work well anymore.

only if i lived in my parents' time.

okays, i promised myself not to dwell on it.

jux to letta noe yall can contact me on e 8******* no. yea?

shall drop by 7-11.

see wad i can get there to de-stress!

yipee!!

alrights, i noe ive to study.

i'll do tt tml.or tonight.

ill start tonight then.

ill revise.

n start on labour n wage..MRP theory.

sounds foreign now.

haax..

taa,love mingli

2004-09-10T22:35:00.000+08:00

o-k-a-y.

im gonna make tis one of my last entries till promos end.
guess ive to shut myself fr everything if i want to see results.
the internet lets me keep in touch with so many ppl at 1 time.
i've to be selfish not to bother abt others' lives and work on mine for e time being.
if anyone sees me online again, slap me.
i give ye e permission.
okk, im really serious.

tis isnt nice to end off at all.
but wad needs to be done needs to be done now ya.

must be determined,
tis beta last.
or i've myself to blame at e end.

i'll be back.

;*)

2004-09-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

Why is it that when she gets so close and contented with smt,
She has to lose smt else so significant?
Is this really wad must be sacrificed?
she really wants best of both worlds.

Yall have no idea how a small remark or ur 'cold treatment' hurts her a lot.
But she jux hides tt pain.
She doesnt want it to affect herself or any1 else, coz why shld it?
No one remembers, nvm.
No one asks, nvm.
No one bothers, still nvm.
But when she wants to put a msg across, it doesnt get thru anymore.

Lost touch?

But be assured, she's still happy of course.
Hey, tt happiness is definitely genuine alrights!

=smiles=

-----------------------------------------------------

Being successful is one thing.
Being happy is another.
Being successful and happy calls for a double celebration.
Previously, I wld want to be successful.
And wld try means and ways to get there.
But now, I'd rather jux simply be happy.
That's most impt.
Lets say, if ur successful and not happy, it defeats e purpose isnt it?
You hv no one to share ur success with..
But if ur happy but not yet successful,
It doesnt matter, coz you're working ur way there slowly.
Its jux a slower process i guess.
Wld ye rather it be quick and fast, destroy friendships along e way, prob make a few enemies,
Or wld ye rather want a slower process and gain more knowledge and interpersonal skills?

---------------------------------------------------

Wad the heck?
last part is -wad-am-i-talking-abt- ?
haax.

Slaughter myself.
Suppose to continue with prejudice & discrimination essay!

Toodles,
Lova mingli

2004-09-09T22:47:00.000+08:00

so tempted

-shhh-

2004-09-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

wah.
you're being watched by many.
muz be careful hor.

this is damn diff.
how to tell anyone someone?
yikes.

but guess i managed it well..
nvm -smiles-

keep to myself.
tee-hee.
;*)

2004-09-09T19:33:00.000+08:00

haiyo.
wads happening to mingli?
insane la.
prob its e tooth huh.
kkz,tts a stupid excuse.

wad am i doin.
i feel silly?
neh, tts really silly to think im silly.
huh? tongue-twister.
-shutddup-

gone w e wind.
toodles.

2004-09-09T19:31:00.000+08:00

you make me happy !!!

2004-09-09T19:27:00.000+08:00

huge SMILEs !!!

2004-09-07T16:55:00.000+08:00

"We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted." - ripped fr geri's blog.

when i read that.
i thot, how true man!
geri has translated my feelings into words!
beautiful words indeed!

-----------------------------------------------------------

btw, im short of 1 tooth now.
im being tortured.
cldnt slp e entire night,
cant even swallow my saliver proper?
gave me hell in e morning w all those clots.
didnt allow me to eat peacefully.
now? it has started to bleed.
tis shldnt be happening!
its not ideal.
great.

---------------------------------------------------------
to be cont'd...

2004-09-03T21:55:00.000+08:00

fish n co!! trademark pix. ;*)
loves.

2004-09-03T16:56:00.001+08:00

thanks for the msg!! dedicate tis to ye!!

trademark
loves.

2004-09-03T14:28:00.000+08:00

why are ye making me so stressed?
It shouldn't be the way.
I know you're pushing me away,
And you know I would never leave.
But does making my presence disappear make ye satisfied?
If it does, i get the message & i'll leave immediately.
There's no point anymore.

Its like a battle or even worse,
Like the terrorist attacks in Russia.
The solider is tired.
He needs a break from all those firing and guarding.

------------------------------------------------------------

'once you've got something, you're afraid of losing it.'
Izzit?
Then probably we'll be better off not wanting it.
noo!! i want it still..kkz, i take tt back.
haax..
Shrugs.

Okie dokie,
Back to studying,
Will pop by.

2004-09-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

im extremely tired.
still, thanks, there're stuffs to be learned even fr e negative light.
im jux tired.

enuff.

2004-08-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

is tt true?

haax, there's actually an element of truth in it i guess.

some parts are indeed who i am jux tt i dun realise it.

self-awareness.

how to achieve tt?

however much i try to be optimisstic,

there always seem to be someone who'll destroy tt mood.

its inevitable.

I try not to interfere, but if I dun,
i'll regret.
Call it busybody or wad, up to ye.
How can i bear looking at them rot away?
Not my nature to do tt.
But then again, I always end up messing things.
How helpful.

-------------------------------------------

oh wells.

hey u!!

seems like ur quite stressed too..

dun worry,stress ball!!

i'll be here to listen..

not create more stress i hope,ohno!

haax,thx loads for assuring me.

assuring me abt everythin!

fr e tiniest stuff to hmm..all!!

tts enuff..mmhuh.

damn im lost for words again,

-hugs-

`mingli

2004-08-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

Always tell myself everything happens for a reason.
I guess that's the best thing I can convince myself with.
My prospective of things are changing.
They're really wonderful ppl..
We'll make history once again!!
There's so many things to plan but not even a chance to sit down and talk proper.
But im sure it'll all work out w so many capable ppl around.
Jux hope compromising will be e key to it.

Anne: thanks for reminding. Your best opportunity is here. Grab it! Sorry if I go over-board too. Its unintentional yea..
Charles: you've enlightened me. You've shocked me w ur personality. Sorry if im such a bugger. Sorrys!
Imran: yeah man!

Why did I bother so much?
How real izzit?
Haah.
Aint I in deep shit?
There’re so many things to tell yall but e time nv seems to be right.
So, i end up keeping it to myself huh?

Actually, knowing someone's past = knowing him/her beta?
But, y wld ye want to dig up one's past.
It isn't nice rite?
Tts y knowing too much isn't gd too.
its always having gd intentions in e beginning but,
always ends up a mess?
Prob its me, not others.
Sometimes, think im more of a problem/trouble-maker than a helper.
Creating probs when there's none.
sorry ah.

Was talking to gerri abt..
Y muz ppl be so open, to an extent 'boastful'?
A fashion thingy?
Cant be la.
I’d rather be simple & low-profile.

Heys, to both of yall. ( if ye noe who ye are),
Its not tt I want any compliments, attention or wadsoever,
Its jux a matter of being there?
I mean, I noe its my life, but aren't ye a tinsy bit concerned/curious? (cant think of an adjective)
Dun think im really bothered alr,
Learnt to be rather independent.
If smt undesirable happens, I'll immediately think of some other stuff tt makes me happy again, consoling myself.
Sometimes, I begin to think wad -Lena- said has quite a bit of truth in it.
Im not blaming ah, needless to look for me.
Im already –shut-up-

Yet again, im wasting time on tis dumb blog.
Which I'll only read it a month later & think how silly I was then.
and i rem jux saying not wanting to blog jux 2hrs ago.
fickle-minded.
STUDY!!

Lova mingli

2004-08-18T20:32:00.000+08:00

its always excuses & more excuses.
always abt finding fault,
pushing e blame,
finding a scapegoat,
but y doesn’t one reflect on oneself?
y cant one jux face it & challenge urself instead?
isn’t tt wad’s life made up of anyways?

i saw my seniors today.
came back for rehearsal.
i really do miss them a whole lot,
but when I get a chance to see them,
its as though I’ve got nth to say to them.
im funny la.urgh!
prob there’s too many things to say tt,
i’ll jux –shut-up- instead.
tt always happens to me.
its not tt im quiet.
i really dunno.
van’t solve it.
but im workin on it.

prob it puzzles everyone tt i can go all glum when I was extremely happy earlier,
sorry, it puzzles me too.
and I tell ye its def not mood swings. no way!

can one really tell when ur stressed?

i jux cant wait for sat to come.
it feels wonderful in a ‘pro’ band.
everyone puts in their best,
noes wad they’re playin,
breathes together,
it simply motivates my own playin.
got influenced I guess.
sat’s recordin’s gonna be exciting!
we’ll be recordin anthemn, sch song & Yorkshire ballad.
i dislike Yorkshire ballad now btw.
anyways, there’ll be mikes for every section.
gonna take 2hrs to prepare e mikes.
then there’ll prob be headphones for e conductor & some others.
wad else?
ooo, e perc’s gonna be in another room.
heh, isolated fr e band! sad.
will see how it goes.

-entry incomplete-
shall cont’d laters.

2004-08-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

gee.

althou i jux saw ye a few days ago,
i still miss ye!!
-shh-
dunno y i blog tis for too.
like any1 ll understand.
haax,bleah.

its for me.

how do *stars lose their shine ah?
there's tis science thing abt it rite..shrugs.
bro ll noe.

anyhow, i love *stars.
dun ye think they're jux so mesmerizing?
yipee.
im trying to be happy again.

"when ur down, think of a happy thought.
and tt's my lil *star !!!"

kkz,stop it.
slp!!

2004-08-16T23:17:00.000+08:00

i hate sch.
i hate myself.
i hate my life.
i jux hate everything.

i hate my com.

kkz, i take some of tt back.
i dun hate everything.
im glad tt some ppl esp...
hv made those 'hates' turn to 'loves'

its been a long night.
i havent done any hw.
y doesnt someone see ur potential?
muz you literally sell urself,market urself to let others see e potential in ye?

really hope everything turns out well on fri.
will there even be ppl witnessing?
will there be things to be passed down?
hah.

i have to go to sch tml.
there's e urge of staying at home & fixing e damn mess tt others hv made.
but, see e sacrifice again?
now even my light's ganging up on me.
it's flickering & it's gonna burn anytime now.

anyhow,
learnt tt lotsa ppl jux bull-shit abt themselves.
put a front.
make a really impressive presentation of themselves.
BUT.
wad's underneath?
absolutely NTH!
no use huh.
ohhno.
if i elaborate any further..
cannnot cannot.
-------------------------=censor=-------------------------

i wanna talk!
so diff nowadays to talk.
can't hv deep conversations w my section mates.
plus, e 2 of them are always at e other end.
gerri's e reason y i try not to dread sch.
actually, she's e only reason..
coz band seems to be getting outta hand.
it creates more probs than help me de-stress.
there's more ppl to think abt.
there's more issue to settle.
there's more relationships to bond.
gerri!!!

someone help.
not U and u..
& def not U too.
u?prob not.
haax,^^ tis is dumb.
im selfish, anne pls finish ur exam quick!
but do it well too..!!!

how i wish i can jux drop out of sch and do things i like.
voluntary work, job experiences..
if i can hv e rest of 2004 to do tt..
i'd prob excel in my studies next yr?
i'll get back to studying next yr.
ahh..im talking rots again.
hah.
i can't do tt, i'll be disappointing so many ppl.
ohman.

okk..
i conclude.
i muz love myself.
kk..
i do love myself.
and a whole load too.
so tt makes it..
i LOVE myself!!
yesyes..let me be all positive again!

i wanna end every entry w a SMILE!.
okk,im trying to smile at least.
give me credit la.

2004-08-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

burst.
exploded.
spilled.
goner.

2004-08-15T22:21:00.000+08:00

there's so many things to say,
im lost for words & hv no idea where to start.

fri started really bad.
w lao shi saying some nasty things to me.
i've mastered e art of filtering demoralizing words.
used to bother alot abt such stuff said by ppl.
but now?
cant say im totally not bothered but less i guess.
as long as i noe clearly wad im doing,
y shld i spend my time & effort hearing others who wanna belittle me?
i figured.
spent e rest of e day w gerri!
wad a nice company she is..
althou only had 2hrs w her,she hadta rush off to church.

sat was a pretty interesting day!
had band and dragged till 5+ coz of e test.
who on earth stays in sch practically e whole day on a sat?
loser.haax! jk.
learnt a lot of things fr sir.
understood him beta too.
hope he knows me beta as well.
everything in band's getting more daunting.
dunno y i feel so strong.
tis is bad.nono,its gd.
oii!! annie..i needa tell ye some stuff manx!!
we'll see.
and..
hope gerri enjoyed sat night as much as i did!!

'you cant hv 2 strong personality ppl in a relationship.it wldnt work.'
how true is tt?
aren't anne & i 2 living examples proving tt wrong?
or so i say.
oops,making too many assumptions here.
ahh,learnt abt assumptions e hard way.
will always think x2 even x3 plus a confirmation.
so tts x4 before doing stuffs & making decisions.
how bad is tt man.

haax,refering to anne's entry.
she's in love! w her baby viola..rite?
e thing abt instruments being husbands & wives.
ohh,i really dislike tt.
my clari will NEVER be my husband.
tt's out of e world.
c'mon be real.
hmm..

everyone needs to noe their limits.
boundaries.
things ll get messy.
talk abt tt laters.

next wk's a hectic wk again.
urgh!
there's pw's 1st draft of e written report to do.
investiture to prepare for,
wonder who'll turn up for it.
recording for anthemn,sch song,merry widows!!
ohman,looking forward to tt,1st time in a recording studio!
and..all e best to anne for her diploma!!

mememe?
in no time it'll be sun again.
heh,someone jux reminded me hols are coming!!
5th sep..
yeayae!!

nitex,
lova mingli

2004-08-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

To realize

The value of a sister

Ask someone Who doesn't have one.

To realize

The value of ten years:

Ask a newly Divorced couple.

To realize

The value of four years:

Ask a graduate.

To realize

The value of one year:

Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.

To realize

The value of nine months:

Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize

The value of one month:

Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize

The value of one week:

Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize

The value of one hour:

Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

To realize

The value of one minute:

Ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize

The value of one-second:

Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize

The value of one millisecond:

Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

To realize

the value of a friend:

Lose one.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

nitex,

lova mingli

2004-08-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

suck k.

i typed a whole long entry & i accidentally deleted it.
urgh!

----------------------------------

humble's e word.

"simple in virtue,
steadfast in duty."

tt's wad ij taught me.
i'll nv forget.
hope it portrays.

realised i've not watched tv for a long time.
its amazing how much ye can learn jux fr 1 episode.
watched e 9pm chi serial yest.
learned a bit fr e characters.
learn fr others' mistakes.
heh,how come honesty seems to appear as well?
e plot eh.
yea,it affects small lil things.
i see e importance of honesty now.

haax,idol is hilarious!
its really mean laughing at them huh.
but guess tt's reality tv for you.

a segment of it touched me.
2 deaf ppl sang whole-heartedly depite their disabilities.
admire their courage!
i'll nv be able to do tt.

ooo.
gerri if ye see tis.
thx for assuring me i can tell ye stuff!!
its rare to find someone who genuinely wants to listen..
thx!

cant rem wad else i typed.
tis always happens.
blurr la blurr.

nitex,
love mingli

2004-08-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

psss..new pix!!
at **latest pix >>
last day w j2s...
ohman.

2004-08-10T23:54:00.000+08:00

=smiles=

i've fixed an enormous jigsaw puzzle!!
yes yes.
and its really beautiful too.
no missing pieces.
thanks tons!!

now i noe why i felt so rotten e last few days.
explains it all.
my gut feeling's accurate man!

e feelings' getting too real.
its scary.
scary.

---------------------------------------------

really wish i can literally cut myself into a few pieces.
one for *ye
one for anne
one for steph
one for band
one for studying
one for toilet gang
one for class
one for gerri
one for ij
one for.....
sadly, we're made in one whole,
tt's y mux learn how to cope.

now i really noe y ppl say its when ur arnd 17 tt ye grow alot.
i've learnt so many things during e past 7 months fr diff ppl.

probs make up one's life.
if i listen to urs, will mine ever be listened?
or does it always hafta be stored in e freezer waiting to be thawed?
frens are supposed to be there for tt reason.
but im slowly starting to doubt tt.
i dun blame anyone, it's prob all my fault.
but i wanna say i've done my best.
really.
it tires me at times.
prob 'my best' isnt ur best..
really wish i can be there for ye 24/7.
tts y my phone's nv off.
wad abt me?
prob i dun dare approach.

-------------------------------------------

im not gd at expressing myself.
i noe it.
tt's prob e cause for everything i guess.
but, *ye made it so easy.
i wld not hv seen e other side of 'mingli'.
thx for enlightening me,
but i hope not to e expense of hurting ur own feelings.
ultimately, jux wanna say its been fabulous.
absolutely.

"it takes 2 hands to clap" - sounds familiar?
not 1 nor 3 hands.
jux 2.
tt's sufficient.

nitex,
lova mingli

2004-08-09T16:18:00.000+08:00

no one can be angry or pissed over smt.
its their choice if they wanna look at a situation in the +ve or -ve light.
its ultimately e individual who determines whether e day's gonna be gd or bad.
my aunt used to tell me tis when i was easily angered by lil things in e past.

okay.
life has to move on yet again.
i really noe how it feels now.
it hurts alot.loads.
e impact wasnt tt huge when i left ij.
tt was coz i didnt hv a taste of seniors being arnd then.
it was e last day for the j2s in band yest.
last performance & it was a screw up.
im already missing my seniors.
quite lost wout them.its so empty.
its jux their presence tt makes everything fall in place.

im e only crazy one tt's missing them.
heh,banders might read tis & think how melodramatic i am.
but nope.
its jux only now tt i realise how seniors r so impt to me.
i've only been w them for 9mths?
emotions r so strong i muz admit.
always dun allow myself to tear infront of others.
and was always seen as a strong gal in sec sch.
but i proved myself wrong yest.
it was jux too emotional seeing them walk out of e band door,
diminishing along e corridor.
and poof,they're gone.

its really silly thinking abt this when there's nth any1 can do anyway.
jux part & parcel of life.
guess i amazed myself.
wad's more,none of my seniors are gals.
pretty weird but anyhow i'll always rem them.
ohman, i miss them!!!!!!!
sobs.

i hate transition periods.

yest's performance was so inorganised.
the mc thought tt we were gonna play only 2songs.
and left out e 3rd.
so e minister left wout hearing e 3rd.
but tt's not e point..
e thing is we worked so hard,esp imran for jap graff.
how can we jux put it aside?
so we played for abt <20 ppl in e audience,
while e vips took pix w various grps of performers.
inappropriate.

this makes lots of sense to me -
"in any relationship, it takes both sides to make it happen."
its so true, applies to everywhere everyday!
so impt.
communication
somtimes think it tis way,
if you've put in ur effort in e relationship,
and it still doesnt work out, or worse, it worsens,
forget it,tt person isnt worth ur concern.
i mean, seriously, y shld ye get hurt liddat?
its not tt ye didnt try...
you've done wad ye can & so it has to be e others' fault rite.
okie, tis def not pushing e blame or finding fault.
but, ultimately, e above phrase says it all.
i noe its def easier said than done..
but it'll all work out fine in e end..

izzit you or its jux too much thinking on my part?
it seems as though im not included much.
i think its me.
y am i always creating problems when there're none?
frustrates!!

it's amazing how someone can affect your life so much & instantly.
things are happening jux too fast for me to catch up.
i need to reflect!

ohman, i miss my *star.

someone enlighten me pls?

"let others talk abt themselves instead.don't keep on rattling on abt yourself.tt's wad everyone knows but forgets."
- how amazingly true huh? i hope i dun forget.

lova mingli

2004-08-01T15:05:00.000+08:00

yipee!!

was really happy yest.
too happy tt i was so tired at e end of e day.
ohman,only if yest had 48 hrs or smt liddat.

honours' day, band performed really well.
they memorised 2 pieces & added movements too.
well done, impressing actually!
chan muz be proud of them,urm,i hope!

talked to many tchers,
ms yap curled her hair,complimented her..
heh!! her fashion sense is getting so much beta,heex!
spoke to kang lao shi too..
ohoh,she's ever e same!!
she recevieved e long service award so i congratulated her,
and i went on abt jc chi dada..she's jux so optimisstic abt everythin.
her attitude towards everythin's so right.
muz learn fr her..
she's e best chi tcher/form tcher..role model la!!

ahh,was w duanjie & anne e whole of yest.
old times,aww..
went back to ijband,took e brass bus..
goodness gracious,e trumpters are absolutely mad!
totally.
anyways,we stayed on for e passing down.
new comm..congrats everyone!
especially amelia(2nd successor,haax!!hope ye enjoy next yr w lotsa $$,muahaha)
priscilla..
xiuting..
ernica..

wad's so special abt yest was chan!!
i've nv seen him so delighted before..
muz be my lucky day.heh
he was jokin,gossiping,laughing..
the inner child in him displayed a lil too..
only if there's such a tcher in charge in cj.
tt's wad we're lacking.
i mean,there's serious bussiness to settle,
but during all tt seriousness, we need someone to laugh it off & jux smile!
haiks.nvm
haax,chan reads blogs!!
oh damn,mr chan..
muz be careful wad ye write.
dun say ye skip sch, tt's dumb according to him..haax,joker.
then he was telling us many scenarios of students-blogs-parents..
print n file system..
okie..shadnt reveal so much,he's gonna read tis.
ooo,found out smt really interesting abt somebody..
kkz,not saying..for ye to find out.

was out w jacinta & jerlyn laters..
so relaxing to be w them both.
they're such a fun lot.
can talk to jac anything under e sun.
she's e gal!!

yeapz,im supposed to study now.
ahhaa,mum bought 5 pairs of shoes today,
3-mine,2-hers..
jux to accumulate enough to get e privilege card.
and 4 bags yest. 3:1
sometimes she's mad eh?
but thx mum, if not for her i wldnt be dressed so nicely everytime.
or so i think? oops. gettin too big headed eh.. =hides=

okieokei..
next wk's gonna be mentally tiring..
everything's gonna work out fine,& im sure of tt.
i'll make sure of tt!yesyes.

anne: there'll be time..ye'll be busy w band,if yall need help,jux say ya? i might be of some use at least. not really nice seating there doing nth & seeing every1 working so hard. smile!
mr chan: if ye happen to read tis, HI! haax..

my lil *star, jux wanted to add tt somewhere.
gee,ur e best!

toodles,
lova mingli

2004-07-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

=dedication=

wad u've said today made me really confused.
i refuse to call ye now, i guess we need time alone,or rather i need it.
so i'll jux write my thots here...

firstly, i've always treated ye as my best fren.
i nv knew ye thot a lil diff..
so im not one tt ye can turn to?
i always thot i was always there for ye.
but now it doesn't seem so..

i dun want us to distant even further than it is now.
you've no idea how impt ye are to me kk.
you might nv hv seen it or felt it but im saying it now tt ur v impt.
like i said, im more willing to give up anything for friendship.
i mean,friendships last a life time, and tt means a lot to me.

i've no idea wad else to say,
you've made me totally confused today.
its as if ur wanted than ur not wanted again.
but anyways, nth happens wout a reason..

i dunno but wad izzit tt i've done or haven i done..
its true tt every1 has their own lives now but,
its how to make use of tt lil time left to spend it w ye.
urgh!

ur countenance says it all.
even if ye look really happy or wadsoever,
i still can tell tt everything's not tt fine after all.
ye cant bottle everything to urself.
yes,althou it works now,independently,
you'll need to find a new way to work things out.
and pls noe tt im always here no matter wad,how busy..

sob...tis isnt e way i want it to be.
i'll not leave this as it is.
sorry if im gonna bug ye but, i'll def regret it if nth is gonna be done.

tis doesnt seem like a dedication anymore.

sorry,side track..

we'll all learn how to smile.tml's a big day huh..

love mingli

2004-07-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

okie b4 i forget.

im reminding myself to dedicate e next entry to anne.
specially for her & only HER.
yeapz A-N-N-E...anne.
okie.ll say more soon..
meantime,if ye read tis,hey..i read tt last para of ur entry la.
it doesnt make sense kkz.
okie,or at least it does a slight lil.
but y are ye harping on quantity & not quality?
helloha..okie,tt's jux for now.
will be back!

nitex.
lova mingli

2004-07-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

once again im gonna rattle...
inspired fr somewhere some mag.

the challenges of friendship
frens causes us pain sometimes,& if you've been together long enuff, boy, can e list of complaints pile up or what! as we get older & move on in life, it's so easy to lose touch w e frens in our lives as each one embarks on increasingly separate life journeys.
thank goodness for those who hv stayed on to put up w idiosyncrasies, survived countless disagreements to come out unscathed & became beta frens for it.
competition is such a pervasive aspect of friendship, there's no running away fr it. each of us strive towards e finishing lines we've set for ourselves, each spurring e other on.
i've realised there's smt i've to work on - to not beat myself up over my best bud's success,but be sincerely happy for them!

when i thot i was actually useless & just a statue to others,
lil did i realised tt this statue has affected e lives of many individuals.
there are close friends who finally opened up.
there are seniors and elders who trust this statue a great deal
there are juniors who confide in it.
there are some who finds solace when chatting w it.
there are others who rely on her.
there are passers-by who do care for e survival of it.

in just 1 wk, e statue has learnt many human relations & etiquette.
it is not like it to go arnd looking disappointed but those ppl who actually includes it in their lives gives it comfort in every single way.

def there're some rare few who finds satisfactoin in vandalising e statue,
but fret not, there ll still be a smile on e ever dull & boring statue.

althou she thinks tt she has many probs, nth can be compared to some others.
she e cause of their misery.
finding it diff to bring herself down to a personal level to get to noe her peers beta.
she can't seem to get rid or shadow e authority figure.
she wonders if it was due to past experiences being alone to fend for itself & having no senior guide her.
tt's y she really appreciates e kind gestures & warm welcome tt seniors now show but when it is time for them to leave,wad ll happen to her?
seeing others bond so well & quick,she doubts herself to do likewise,
wad is e barrier tt she has to cross?
izzit a psychological thing or e prob lies w others,which is a v low possibility.

now she totally dont feel like gg back for IJ's honours' day.
it is a day to acknowledge past yr's students' contributions & success.
she's being acknowledged for my leadership capabilities but she doesn't think she deserves it a single bit.
wad has she contributed tt is significant enough to get this award?
she cant think of anything within 1min other than e silver for syf,
but yet again tt's every1's effort & team work.hello!!
anne put me back on track.she said we deserve it e most.it is wad we've done tt yr,in our batch & wad we've changed for TT YR tt matters most.its not wad happens after we leave or b4 we're in charge.made lotsa sense to me.thx gal!

indeed, she feels left out at times.
seldom included in bigger tasks, leaving her to doubt her abilities yet again.
many see e size of tis statue & within 5 secs walk away.
not many or rather none bothers to appreciate e statue's design & wad nots.

first impressions do matter a whole lot but someone rightfully deserves a 2nd chance yea?
she knows she has screwed up a bit, but is this e sacrifice needed of her?
why must e sacrifice be so huge when she doesn't even noe whether its worthwhile?
muz it always be risks?
muz it always be one way?
communication is sooo impt!!
smt changed tis opinion. more optimisstic now.
cannot give up,muz work on it!
i love HR but its tough man. i think its a talent & gift fr God.
but yet again,it can be learnt yea? :)

jux hadta pen my thots down, tis blog's quite useful in helping me rem lessons learnt.

im laughing at myself!! haax,i actually wrote tis entry 2 days ago on a piece of paper.
all these were wad i thot 2 days ago,but now,sorta altered..tt explains all e italics & colours!!
i love e new colouring thingy..heex!

althou there're so many matters to settle & barriers to overcome,
im glad to noe tt there'll always be someone there for me. *star!! shining bright..haax..
okie enuff said. haax, i noe ur gonna read tis, coz i asked ye to..quite dumb coz im not even thinking half of wad i typed up there anymore but hmm.e other half...heck!
mmhuh,its ur special light tt keeps me going on, lil *star..ehno, huge ***star!! ;*)

psss:
candice-haiyo,dun disturb him la..ehh,im gonna see ye in 2 days time!!heh.
anne-rest assured im always on stand-by.dun feel as thou u've got no one.hello..am i not a someone?heh,jk.althou i dun wanna get stalked again,we'll still talk yea..dun think too much. SMILE!! :*)

2004-07-16T22:21:00.000+08:00

im BACK!

err,sorry ah geri aka gang leader for not updating.
haax!okieokie.
btw,ur entries nv fail to make me laugh!gee..

hm,first n foremost,did really bad for CTs.
only passed 1 A and 1 AO,failed e other.
passed my GP,phew.
wonder if br paul wld want to see me,ohno.
someone got straight Fs,for tt,i've got totally no comments.
anyways,gotta do consistent work now.
realised there's no one day of rest.
hafta study everyday,can't afford to lose it again.

hmm,had youth day celeb last fri.
hilarious!
was combined w student council investiture,
band was at e gallery as we hadta play our 'specialised' 2 pieces,haax!
so we brought anything we cld to entertain ourselves during e diff speeches diff ppl gave.
yawn.

okie,been wondering these days..
wad are e traits of a loyal/good friend?
izzit being there for her 24/7?
izzit having to sacrifice things for her?
izzit being frank to each other?
wad izzit??
wad i work on..
as much as how i want others to treat me,i wld hafta treat them likewise 1st.
been living in a world of -mingli-
think im becoming more selfish,unforgiving,unfriendly...there's more.
i realise im also less opinionated now.
i want all my own unique opnions back!!!
where hv they disappeared too?
this brings me to think whether im too influenced.
tt's bad.

band...
its been exciting.and its gonna get even more exciting i must say.
w a handful of events tt are coming up.
-national day (im put to 1st,its tough,real tough)
-stepping down ceremony/concert.
-guinness book of world records,3day non-stop music. (fun eh?!)
-seniors gonna leave, are e j1s able to cope?
-challenges ahead.
-cip
anyways,im glad i found tt missing jigsaw puzzle.
thanks to 2 ppl.
everything's coming back.
im more alive now.
my mentality towards band is improving,
its returning to before.
thanks ye 2!

there're many other issues on my mind,
but ... nvm

taa,
lova mingli

2004-07-05T16:00:00.000+08:00

here i am sitting in front of e com
while every1's out enjoying youth day.

half of toilet gang went to wild wild wet.
e other half went to catch a movie w tsemin.
my bro went to tanglin police to pract his shooting.
so,tt leaves me alone at home.
im eccentric today.

had tuition in e morning.
was yawning away infront of lao shi.
oh gosh.
y did i asked mum to give me back chi tuition?
others ll think im insane.
she's really patient w me thou.
thinking of not having it,kinda a waste of time.
can use tt few hrs to do other things i wanna!
like go out?! haax..

really doing nth,absolutely NTH now.

ohya,went for CHIJMES on sat.
w anne,steph,daphy,sandra..where's geri?!?!
saw e band perform.
e sound was confined within e stage.
cldnt project at all.
i guess coz its too crowded arnd e stage.
not their fault.but e music was fun!
doraemon,tt thing you do,instant concert dada.

ohyea!
was wearing green,steph wore red.
when sim saw us,he immediately commented on our dressing.
'wah,green ah!jux like e green light...steph red?!then she's e red light.eh?where's amber ah?'
damn lame.
its jux sim.old sim again.
eh?i didnt see her thou.hmph,not my business.shh.
afterwards,was asking him some stuff & before giving me a proper answer,
he teased me.
urgh!wad's wrong w all?
not tt i mind,but it jux makes me more confused.
thanks.

saw three 4/8 ppl.
they're still ever e same man.
missed them.
4/8 cheer: heyyy--heyy--babe---i wanna noeeee--if u be my girl---1234---
mymy,tt was sec3 adventure camp's moments.

anyways,spent $20 at true blue(CHIJMES).
bought a tee fr pri sch booth & a 'ij on board' fr sec sch booth.
didnt see many tchers i knew thou.
only pri5's form tcher,ms ler..who else ah?nvm,forgetful.
expected e crowd to be over crowding e entire plc.
but,wasnt up to my expectations.
for 11 schs to put tis up but e crowd was so-so.
still able to walk arnd.
it shld be not able to walk,stuck.
crazy,haax!

laters,went to raffles city then proceeded to cine.
they insisted on taking neo prints.
and we ended up taking twice coz e 1st was kinda a screw up.
walked arnd heeren to get e toilet gang ring.
finally found it,costed us each 1.90bucks.
cheap eh?
ate at cuppage for dinner,
then daphy hadta rush for her spiderman2 w her sis,
so all dispersed.

sunday was a huge shopping day man.
mum bought so many things for me.
its been so long since ive got e chance to go out w her n aunt.
miss those days.
every wkend ll stroll along orchard.
but now,im always w my frens.
kinda sick of them.
nola,jux kidding.
"absence makes e heart fonder"
i agree w e above phrase!

i dun feel attached to cj at all.
miss ij LOADS.
no words can describe my feelings for ij.
i miss toilet gang!!
all gals beat co-ed anytime.
damn,y mux one grow so fast.

big news!! sandra has a blog.
gee,im promoting it for her.
daphy,ur e only one left.
feel e pressure?oops.

talking abt pressure & stress.
steph,ur e only one in toilet gang
tt doesnt hv ear holes.
ehh,but dun worry,ye'll hv it by e end of tis yr.
i promise!
muahaha.

kkz,i wanna watch OC now.
toodles.
lova mingli

2004-06-30T19:50:00.000+08:00

heys,okie.
exams nearly over.
with jux chinese & chem pract to go.

its been crazy.
absolute madness.
i've never ever felt tis way in my whole life.
unprepared,panick,
questions n more questions.
its 1 major exam tt i've not studied well enuff for.
and im making sure tt its e 1st & last.
no more such things.

really regreted wad i've not done earlier in e year.
but actually wad hv i done?
but after all these months,
i've really learnt how to manage my time beta,
which in e past,its as if i lived by a timetable.
jux sch,tuition,home,work,study,band.
and e whole routine starts again.
but now its entirely different.
really on my own,deciding every small decision by myself.
and i noe im not gonna do well in tis exams.
but looking at it positively,
i've learnt mistakes i've made,
learnt how to study more effectively,
getting those irrelevant info tt i'll nv ever use in life into my brain.

but anyways,tt's life.
life's saddening.
2 choices:life w it,& be disappointed OR be happy & grab every opportunity.
definitely e 2nd choice is best.
like wad sister anne always said:live life to e fullest.
agree w her so much.
she once said life's like a journey on a train.
every stop is a major event in life.
e destination is how ye want it to be,
and finally ye'll be in heaven,
realising how much ye've contributed one earth.
ur mere existence matter whole lot.

hmph!
wadever it is,i've gotten e momentum to study.
so i've ta study a lil everyday,
or at least revise wad's taught i guess,
if not i'll lose e momentum.
yeah,muz promise myself.
keep it up.
everyone,we'll all work towards promos ya?!
no one dares to think abt retaining mind yall.

okie,
my eye has been twitching real bad these few days.
anne said its bcoz im tired.
alrights,i'll listen to her,
shall rest.

but,i wanna watch OC,
revise for chem pract a lil to feel safer,
then bolster here i come!
hehh..

lova mingli

2004-06-21T22:02:00.000+08:00

big bday bash for toilet gang!

heys,had a toilet gang reunion last sat.
met at douby ghaut,5.30,north-south line.
so specific & formal rite?
fishy.

anyways,when we met,we were brought up to fort canning park.
daphy & i thot we were gonna eat at fort canning's 'cafe & restaurants'!
climbed a dozen flight of stairs b4 reaching a spot tt e 2 secret planners' chose.
wrong spot man!there was a couple there.ohhmmyy!
then e surprise planners-geri & sandra (ye 2 are such sweeties!!),
shouted "SURPRISE!!",instantly,e couple stared wide-eyed at us!
haax,we got e hint and rushed to e nearest bench we cld find.

then,they exchanged presents & took pix.
really nice photos i muz say!!

then proceeded to fish n co. to eat.
woah,i think we were e youngest lot there.
everyone looked like in their early 20s.
we are all 17 only?!!haax..
heh,gossiped abt e waiters & waitresses there.
there were some cute,handsome,pretty ones!
haax,sound so desperate?
nola,its jux so fun observing ppl & their behaviours.
haax!!
laughed a lot tt nite!!

then,e secret planners went to e toilet.
but,nope.
they went to bring e cake up to us!!
i wanted to follow them to e toilet but daphy stopped me,
seela,im damn blurr,dun get any hints.
haix.haax!

so,e cake was a cheesecake.
it was exactly 6 slices.jux rite.
being cheeky,
they lighted jux 3 candles,
1 for anne,
1 for me,
1 for daphy.
so then we took turns to blow e candle & cut e cake.
there are 6 scene shots altogether in e pix,

then later we proceeded to e toilet,
tt's where we originated isnt it!
and,haa!
we took a toilet gang pix(literal) there.

afterwards,we went to ps starbucks,
jux chilled there..
irony-starbucks supposed to drink coffee rite?
but none of us did!
all of us drank e strawberry drink while sandra ordered her cocoa.
then we had an artistic shot of our faces

anyways,took my trademark
pix w sandra too.
its an unspoken rule tt both of us didnt decide on.
and yet another for e nite!
so tt's 2 trademark pix in a day.

ahh..
then its going home..
awww..but dun fret!
we'll meet up again ya?
we 3 still owe ye ur bday card daphy!
and sandra still owes anne her prezzie...
hmph!

steph,ur bday's next.
ye shall be e organiser eh?
wahhaa!

psss:i didnt really described e nite well.wanna read a beta piece of blog entry go here!! (credits to geri)

lova mingli

**all e bolded & italic words are pix links.
*jux click on them.

2004-06-16T16:56:00.000+08:00

ahhx.

due to my fickled mind,
i've uploaded even more pix.
hey,ij peeps,esp banders..there's lotsa of yall.
go see,nostalgia man!
aww.

kkz,enjoy them.
toodles,
mingli

2004-06-15T22:57:00.000+08:00

*grins*
look there>>>>>>>>>>> >>>> >>> >> >

***pix***revamped***

uploaded lotsa new pix.
nice nice.see if ye hv e time.

nitex,
lova mingli

2004-06-12T21:06:00.000+08:00

been wondering alot.

jux hit to me tt there's no more band pract.
when it resumes,which wld be a long time more,
my seniors are gonna be gone.
*sobs*
i really love,yes LOVE my seniors loads.
i've never had seniors tt were i cld call seniors in ij.
i was alone alone and always hadta fend for myself in a way.
no senior was there to guide or talk back for me or give me a pat on e back..
in cj's clari section,i must say tt they hv helped me alot.
hmm,i might not show tt i appreciate them,but really do!
im definitely gonna miss them tons.
wonder how life's gonna be wout them.
its gonna suck.
so much closer to them than my own peers even.
been w them since last yr,a much longer period than any others.
hate it when **-you-noe-who- talks bad abt them straight to my face,
and when others think they're jux useless anti-band ppl.
they're unique in everyway.
definitely they've enlightened me in some way or another.
damn,band's gonna be so dull wout them!urgh!!!

everyone's at camp tis wk.
haix,lonely?heh..
all's having church camp,ij's having band camp too.
went back to visit.
chan asked if i wanna play for CHIJMES concert.
i'll be honoured man.
it's ij's 150th anniversary and all e ij schs are gonna celebrate it at CHIJMES.
think its gonna be a grand event.
e prob is my last paper's on 6th july,
but e performance's on 3rd july.
there's only 1 pract thou,cause many pieces were played before.
was thinking again,
wad do i stand to gain fr helping ij?
do i want smt in return actually?
or am i doing it purely cause of my passion?
i've yet to answer these qns,
haven gave chan an answer yet.
he shall wait.

i need to study!
but when i finally get down to it,
i fall asleep.
jux like today.
was so tired walking arnd orchard,decided to go back grandma's,
wanted to start on some chem but dozed off on e couch.
seela,no discipline.
and now?back home,im blogging.
how wonderful.

yea muz share tis..
went for a talk at creative tis morning.
e speaker's a engineer turned full-time artist.
he worked as an engineer for 5yrs,then quit his job to become an artist.
y wld anyone give up such a stable job for smt liddat?
is e passion so strong tt every other factor in life is neglected?
(eg.financial stability,social status...)

thot to myself:wld i ever give up everything for music?
is my passion for music,band music tt intense?
in tis chapter in my life,e answer's no.
prob not yet i guess?heh.

also,wld ye agree life is full of doubts?
wld ye choose a life full of doubts or a life of certaintly?
i wld choose a life full of doubts.
only then wld life be interesting.
like i always said,there shld be ups and downs,
if not a person wldnt hv grown fully.
ups and downs gives us experiences.
one needs to hv a balance of gd and bad experiences.
oh damn,enuff of 'abt life'.

want to blog some other things.
but think its best not to say,
ll def bring in many comments on e tagboard.
haax!aint i smart?ohhnoo..
needa focus or else ll start missing ppl again.
ll i ever see yall?

gonna watch OC!
heex,free of worries for a while.
self decieving..

(**cjcsb's conductor)

lova mingli
:*)

2004-06-07T21:10:00.000+08:00

*grins*

yeepii!!!
concert's finally over.
seriously,to me it was an embarrassment.
i wldnt call it successful at all.
prob a tinsy lil bit.
there was technical & logistics probs.
haix,like e saying goes-e devil is in e details!
goes to show we're not prepared at all.
sad to say,really.
how i wished i cld hv tt same feeling back in ij.
whenever we had a concert,
there wld be full of enthusiasm,excitement,
even moving of risers and chairs were actually exciting!
but in cj,moving of jux a simple smt,
is a chore!!!
really dunno why,but i feel no sense of belonging & attachment.
its really sad,a band shld be full of unity.
why why why???
anyways,in no position to say such stuff.

e nicest part of e concert's interval!!
ooo,i love it!
niva,roshini,amelia,shuyi,juexuan fr ij came.
ted,duanjie,sandra,daphy,geri came too!
ooh i miss everyone!
recieved many flowers.
daisies,roses..
noe wad happens to them?
they'll jux be frozen at nite in e aircon
tt'll be for a few days.
then,i'll prob hang them upside down or smt.
but few weeks later,i'll get fed up and
they'll end up in e bin!
see,tt's e fate of e flowers,now yall noe.
but its really a nice feeling to recieve flowers.
tt's e only thing abt it.

after concert,went to rochor to eat.
some famous beancurd.
went w sir and alumni.
hmm,alumni's a funny lot.
joke loads.
really cheerful.
didnt noe musicians can be so diff.
heh,think im living in a well.
ohh!there's a clari senior,matthew.
he's small for a guy n has such a adorable face!
haax,wad's more,he rides a motorbike!
cool man.haax!
dad picked me up at 2am,
sent anne,vig n shaun back.

hey,went to watch eternal sunshine of a spotless mind today.
its a nc-16 show.
heh,1st nc-16 show i muz admit.
haax!
anyways,its a gd show.
a lil confusing at 1st but at e end..
'ahhh..' e last piece of e puzzle is fixed!
will catch harry potter some time tis wk i hope.
ooh,was quite irritated in e morning.
lens stinged my eye,cldnt wear them out.
resorted to my new spects.
urgh!not used to it.

going out w jacinta tml!
yeah!!its been long since i talked to her proper.
hmm,muz go visit ijband tis wk.
there's camp.e 1st in 2yrs i think.

goodie!
is love measurable?
does it ever last?
hmm..mm..
its really heartening to noe tt you're loved my many.
trying to make a point to return their love!
a simple call or sms makes lotsa diff!
sacrifising a lil 'alone' time is worthwwhile i guess.
so,don't be surprised if i ever call yall!niva..
don't usually call others,im e one who recieves,
steph ye noe best!sorry if i dun call ye.
its jux me,dun call,but wait.
others who dunno me wld think im unfriendly or somesort.
but,nope its jux mingli.
she doesnt bother to call,
she's lazy or too bz w stuff.
dun blame her ya.

tis is stupid,im making excuses for myself.
damn,okieokie.
gonna watch an episode of OC..
ohhyea,muz pen tis down b4 i forget.
finally realise tt when i watch tv,im sorta destressing.
i'll be so engrossed in e show/plot,
tt i forget all worries n probs.
haix,only if tt feeling wld last.
prob-free mingli!
and i'll be all jovial again.
but life isnt tis simple.
if there aren't probs,life wld be boring.
i see it tis way.
its much easier tackling things.

yeayea,gotta go watch NOW!!
lova mingli
:*)

2004-06-02T20:23:00.000+08:00

bday's over.

nth much actually.
but feel loved.
didnt noe lotsa still rems me.
appreciate it!
shall list them >>
anne(e chalk board!),steph,vig,ted,daphy,sandra,geri,forde,
mingfang,yg,julian,nicholas,justin,shaun,sandy,jacinta,
khris+amelia+aileen(e card,pleasant surprise!),
ij clari section(thx for e song),my classmates..
many more,everyone tt spent e day w me!!

im quite pissed w myself coz i jux deleted my last entry.
trying to rem wad i wrote.

ohyaa gp exam's over.
wrote an essay abt divorve.
i'll laugh if i pass it.
shadnt talk abt it.
full-stop!

borrowed back intru yest.
supposed to pract w anne,steph n vig but cancelled.
pw meetin also cancelled.
how to progress liddat?
think in e meantime,i'll jux hafta do more research
tt's all.

there's lotsa things i've to do.
e list:
1)pract for concert n get it over n done w
2)study study study for midyrs!
3)get to noe 2 ppl beta(!!!mymy!!!)
4)spend more time w frens
5)spend moer time w others
6)see a dentist for a checkup
7)get half of pw done
8)look out for every sat's hp promotion
-nokia 7200
-samsung P400
-samsung V200
-samsung X430
-other recommendations?
9)window shoppin!
10)get my pencil box
11)go back for ijband camp
12)catch up w toilet gang
13)wad else??

sometimes i feel like an open book
i dislike tt.
everyone noes abt ye,while ye noe nuts.

anyways,concert's in 2 days time.
i dun feel e urgency yet.
everything is so screwed.
dunno wad's happening.
e choir plus guitar.
i'll be grateful if sat turns out fine.
im not scarying whoever's coming,
its jux me la.

band's always brass n woodwind sectionals.
so been feeling left out
its like im always w e 'bad' ppl.
so im also 'bad'?
doesn't make sense.
sectionals r full of shit too.
nth seems to be e way i want it to
my hols lessons timetable is also so outcasted.
jux feel not wanted?
hmm..wadever la.
its jux my silly lil brain arguing on its own.
in auto mode now.

i noe every1 has their probs.
its jux tt im too caught up w tis.
sorry la,whoever i offended or simply jux ignored.
or didnt make e effort to hv a conversation w.
sorry,didnt mean to.
if anyone tries anything new,im gonna flare.
serious.
im trying my best to control kkz.
urgh,wadever la.

so many things seem to be clashing too.
n i've to make decisoins.
tt equals forgoing e nxt best alternative(econs!)
always seem to be band terrorising everything else.
sometimes i wonder izzit every worth it?
to sacrifice so many things jux for band.
im always doing tt but worthwhile?
someone answer tt Qn!
bugger!

ll be having a rehearsal at sji on fri.
mymy,think its gonna be havoc.
bet its gonna end really late.
then again,hafta make choices.

i want to love myself.
i want to love others.
i want to stay happy.
i want to make others smile.
i want to be e ONE!

on e other hand,
i want to be crazy.
i want to be mad.
i want to be looney.
i want to be outta hand.

*contradicts*

tis doesnt seem to be getting anywhere.
somehow somewhere someday someway
.dots.

taa,toodles.
lova mingli

2004-05-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

heys again.

been sick e past wk.was horrid i muz admit.
coughed n coughed,till it affected my slp
so only went to sch on wed out of 6days!
haax,quite rubbish when e doc told me im not allowed to play e clari.
coz it'll affect e air passage way..smt liddat.
anyways,alrites now.
thx for everyone's concern!!
really appreciate it!
feel loved! haax..

hmm,i realised everytime i blog,it'll alway be when im down.
so,muz change tt trend!
hafta say 'life rocks!' not 'life suck.'
mm,but seriously,there's been less time for frenz now it seems.
dun see e 3 of them tt often anymore.
they go for extra band,but i dun.
so i guess tt's e diff.
i've been missing out on all e fun but not e scolding at band.
wad nonsense.

cjband's concert coming up,anyone interested?
details: 5th june,sat,7.30-10pm,sji audi,10bucks
gotcha?jux msg me if ye wanna tix kkz?

ohyea!organised a small lunch gathering last sun.
daph,geri,sandra all turned up!
so happy n excited to see them again.
toilet gang reunited!yipee!
talked alot.joked alot.anne's laughter was yet again contagious.
daph wanted her to laugh louder so she can hear it at pjc!
haax,sandra hasnt change a bit.
still lil old sandra,v knowledgable n cute.
geri has grown so much!grown prettier definitely!
wow,i wonder whether im rather much still e same or changed?
me losing 3kg since sch started isnt a joke.
and jux calculated BMI,its 16 smt!!tt's underweight.
total rubbish,coz i dun look underweight!
i conclude,BMI's not accurate.

mm,gp exam tis fri.
grrr..hows?
really scared.its my 1st major exam in sch tt im not fully prepared for.
but there's really nth much i can do now,its alr tue!
no sch on thurs!!
argh,wanna go celeb anne's bday but really needa study for gp.
sorry anne!!

ohohohhohmyyyy!
can't wait for fri to end,so its off to celeb'g mine bday!
e whole weekend mingli is e highlight.
haax,i love myself!
sat's gonna be spent in e band room.wonderful.
spending my 17th bday w cj banders.hmm
shadnt say anymore,shall update when celeb are over ya!
heex,cheeky..

okie,i'm gg back to studying again.
taa,lova,
mingli

2004-05-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

apologise to myself for not being disciplined enuff to update my blog.damn.

hmph,so many things hv happened since term2 started.we're alr in wk 7.fast.
haven't even done wad i wanna do.
tis e 1st time im actually home straight after sch n spending time on my own.
partly coz' others have their own plans n i jux feel like coming home for once.
hm,i've not been reading e papers,mags,everything except gp notes.
i've not been able to catch up w e latest products in e market.
i've not been talking to my family much.
i've not been to my grand's often enuff.
i've not been a gd fren to some ppl.
wadever it is!i've jux been so caught up w myself to e expense of neglecting other ppl!sux.
previously before jc,i cld take a stroll down orchard every wkend w mum n aunt,looking at every new thing there is.
but now,there isnt any time for me to step out of e hse.
i hate e feeling of being caged/prisoned.
used to noe e trendiest stuff at e tips of my fingers,even more familiar than my studies.
now?i noe nuts abt nth.
i need some quality time for myself.
i need some time for my frenz,really listen to wad they've got to say.
i need some hours to give a call to old frenz,toilet gang!!!
dunno,i jux need all e time in e world!
really miss e carefree times.

jc life is really getting into me.
there's so much to do altho' its only 3 subs + 2langs
dunno if i made e right choice.
didn't go to sch yest.jux didnt felt like it + tired out fr mass pe.
was checking out on tp's hospitality course yest.
read everything abt it.
wad's wrong w me?i never seem to be settled down
yaoguang says "dun think of an easy way out.since ur here,get out of here successfully."
ted says "dun think of an alternative.think of how to cope."
steph says "decide carefully wad ye wanna do in life."
bro says "why ye never think of tis earlier?seela,now liddat." wad a bugger!
who else says wad,there's loads.but argh.wadever.

there's so many tests.
so many chapters to revise.
chem is so indepth.
no idea wad im studying relates to life?
no idea y im studying atoms,molecules,stoichemoitry n electronic configuration?wad e?
econs in interesting.
but e tcher sux.really dislike him alot.not tt he's indian r wad.jux he cant teach for nuts!
i'd rather cornelius teach me la,at least i understand him beta.
really hope econs doesnt become like bio.
love e sub so much but coz of e tcher,enthusiasm for it dies off.
math is jux crazy everyday w mr foo arnd.
i conclude i needa help fr yaoguang for my chem n econs!needa find time ask him to help!!

so,i've resume my chi tuition so tt i can at least pass it at e end of e yr.
also hv gp tuition now.
really hope I settle down quick.n I mean quick!!!!instant actually!

hmph, wad's there to worry abt?
band's jux per normal.w all e frequent scoldings or rather wadever ye call it(trying to make it sound nicer but there isn't anything), I dunno how I still can take it in band.
we not having a band concert.we're haing a combine w guitar n choir.
we're given e 1st half of e concert.n main band’s playing 4 pieces:
#1 versuvius
#2 merry widow
#3 trumpet solo piece (featuring vignesh)
#4 yet to decide but it's a pop piece
And alumni's playing 2 pieces
wad's a band wout a concert huh?wad nonsense is this?wad are we pract'g and working for?
there's no aim at all.no goal.nth.
think I'd rather quit band n join odac if there's no proper concert.
maybe shall propose some ideas.
haix, see being super extra n nosey again.
Argh.i've to stop.muz concentrate on my studies.
Its more worth it n more impt n a beta investment than band.
I've to psycho myself into tt mentality!!!

There's band tml.11-3 coz j2s have SATs
hm, wish them all e best!
eh, really hope ij peeps are doing fine.
will visit yall soon.in e hols kkz.
shall make a point to find out band pract dates so I can pop by.niva or Candice or someone.
jux heard fr Candice there's band camp in june.e 1st since 2yrs!!!i muz go back man.

Ever wondered how amazing n colourful love is?
Its jux wow huh.
No idea why im saying tis but,mmm…jux wanted my thots to flow.
Writing wadever's coming to my mind now.
Tis jux getting too long.
Shall update another day.
Been going for so many concerts recently.
Went for rjc on mon to see tsemin actually.
Then tjc on sun for fun.was pretty entertaining I muz say.

okie,seeya!!
Lova mingli

2004-03-15T03:06:00.000+08:00

noe wad???

ehh..today was cj band bbq party.
supposedly a 'farewell' for the j1s not staying,which is like everyone!!
only 6 staying actually.
hmph,tt's really bad huh.

ehh,cldnt start fire.
started it rather late blah blah blah.
then ppl started coming fr 4pm.
banders jux flowed into e hse.
heh,mostly all managed to walk up themselves.tt's gd.

actually,dun really wanna say tis but its jux me i guess.
always hafta find fault in everything.
so,alot of them came into e hse as though they're familliar alr.
i mean,where's basic courtesy?
and when ye leave,ye hafta say bye.
again,its basic courtesy.
seriously,its wad everyone needs to hv.
its a life-long skill.
wadever,it reflects on them not me,so..
HECK!

anyways,anne n vig stayed over last night and they are staying over again.
but tonight there're add-ons:shaun,steph,matt,jihoon.
hmph,damn pissed tt e attic aircon isnt working.
walau,wad a time to spoil la.
in e end,we slept downstairs in e extra room.

woah,e night was really young man.
they went out to 7-11 at 2am,for fun.
came back saying they looked like drunks walking down e hill.haax!
at e meantime,was helping shaun do his blog.
went thru so many skins..
think i wanna change template too.

heh,woke up at 10+..
shaun woke up 1st?on e computer and fr then i cldnt slp anymore.
was lying on e bed as though asleep.wee!
hmph,later all ate some leftover food fr yest's bbq.
felt quite bad.i mean,let them eat e leftovers?
shaun ah..e weirdest thing to eat in e morning is brownies n ice cream?
rushed to sch later.vig n steph kept pushing us.
aiya,late for once wont die rite.

oo,went to miah's hse today.
his cousins are so adorable!!!
heh,walked pass yg's hse.
wow!his hse is really nice!so many pots of flowers at e balcony
i really like it man.
there's a pond too..heex!
called him but wasnt home.heh.

haix,there's sch tml again.facil training.
rather boring actually.
nothing much,i'd rather spend e time go watch a gd movie.
really needa meet up w daphy some time.
feel damn bad.
always w banders then no time for her at all.
but..
its always all e buts..
but..

haix,not gonna say anymore.
shuddup.in no mood again.
life's jux so complicating ye noe.
sometimes why cant things be simpler?
jux dun understand.
argh!!!!!!!!!!
at times,jux hate myself.
wad can i do man?

2004-03-07T15:09:00.000+08:00

oooooooooooo!!!

kkz,its been 1 wk since i blogged.

received my o level results alr.so i got 16.rather contented.i mean i improved fr 23(prelims) to 16..
so on the average tt's a grade improvement for every sub!
i've to credit my o level cert to many ppl:

eng,b3 - creative horizon, ms tham & mrs tan
chem/phy,a1 - novel, mr goh
chi,a2 - chen lao shi
both math,a2s - myself!!!(muahaha)
humanities,c6 - aunt joo (im happy i passed!1st time!)

there were so many ppl crying & shouting!goodness..overwhelmed i guess.
for me,i was so calm n neutral.i didnt shed a single tear,i mean,wad for?
everything's over,if i ever shed a tear,it'll be coz im so relieved tt everything's over.
so tt's tt for e results day.

i dun ever wanna talk abt results again.

so friday marked a day of a new beginning.

there wasnt any band on sat.so vig,steph n i went to watch big fish.
it was a meaningful movie.taught me abt life.

wow,this wk was so fun i muz say!i went to sch for 2 days only!heh,on mon n wed.
wed my class ponned nearly every lesson so we thot might as well not even come for sch.
we nearly got into serious trouble for ponning econs lect.
e econs lecturer(fat ass)took down our names n supposedly gave to br paul.
btw,only 2 ppl went for econs lect.
but then,we decided tt we shall pon sch e next day n go to sentosa!

thur,spent e day at sentosa.really really fun!
heh,got thrown into e sea by e boys.damn.
didnt even had proper change of clothes.argh.
after the throwing of ppl into e sea,then came e burying of ppl in sand.
so they buried puaylin,then rom n clara together, then aidan n phoebe.
n i became e photographer.had 3 cams on me.haax,so i guess i was 'precious',so no one cld bury me!muaha..
we played volleyball n had great fun.
some iran ppl wanted to join in so we let them.they were pro man.
oo,then they ate e sandwiches i brought.
was worried tt they didnt like e tomato n lettuce n luncheon meat..but *phew*
so glad tt they liked it a lot.esp renkun,haax!funny guy.
anyways,we left sentosa at 8.ate at e hawker centre at harbourfront.
after eating,i took pix w every one of them there.
they're all leaving,amanda,phoebe,jaslyn,clara,puaylin,aidan,brandon,alvin,justin!!!
all of them except renkun n rom.
but still took indivdual pix w them.guess i'll find time to make a pt to send e photos to them.

erhuh,band went back to normal yest.all e j2s finished their CTs so they're back.for good i hope!heex
then i passed yaoguang,julian n esmond their cards i bought.
yaoguang was like 'wad's this for?..so much money ah?'
hm,i jux felt like buying smt for them,n feeling happy tt they're back.no other motives.really.
we were supposesd to end band at 12.30 but alvin was dragging e time again.
so,justin put an alarm on his hp n let it ring.then pretended to look at e hp n said 'eh?12.30 alr ah?'
haax,whole band was laughin away.damn funny man.alvin gave tt -you-cheeky-ppl- look.haax!!!

anyways,we went for lunch after tt.
gerald didnt join us,he met his frenz.think i noe one of them in e grp.
its like never seen him before at all but do talk to him online n stuff.haax,im laughing at myself.
we as in anne,steph,vig,tsemin,kailing,shaun,sandie.
hmph,again shaun joined us.doesnt he feel out of place at all?
even if he doesnt,i do feel out of place for him!heh.
haix,today had to be home early coz grandma's bday so i left after having lunch w them.

ohya,during sectoinals,yg said 'eh there's a new couple in e band'..
wow so interesting!!!
haax,im so kapo man.hm..
as i guessed,its the one sitting behind me n the one at e side.(combine)
later in the night,heard fr steph tt they broke up.like wad the?
urm,neh,im in no position to comment or say anything so yea.
its other ppl's life,shldnt interfere,shldnt destroy it.

argh,ive loads of mixed feelings in me.
dunno how to describe them.
they're jux detroying my life.irritating me!
i wanna talk talk talk,spill it all out!
BUT..i cant,i jux cant.its impossible.
if anything involves other ppl,its impossible to say it out.
i jux cant say it.
shhh.

shall go now.taa.
love mingli